So, What Did I Miss? Write Your Own. (4/16/06)

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Today, I invite you to write your own team’s recap with an accompanying song to fit the mood of the game. I thought it might fun to do it this way because I am very busy today since I am…

You should never argue with a crazy mi-mi-mi-mi-mi- mind.. you oughta know by now.

The Rays and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

My Rays lost yet again, 1 – 0, to Chris Sale and the White Sox. This was not the worst part. Yes, they played their hearts out. Odorizzi pitched a gem. This was not even the worst part:

I am convinced that Logan Forsythe has torn something and Kiermaier is concussed and until I see evidence myself, as in actual X-ray, CT scan, and MRI results, I don’t believe anything different and nothing you can say will make me feel better or change my mind. Yep, teams lie, and I am not being rational. I know this. I am emotional–I am super fan at the moment, not your semi-objective recapper. And if anyone says “mild concussion”, he will receive a mild kick to the balls, and tell me how it compares to a severe kick to the balls. Yes, there are grades of severity to a concussion, but the words “mild” and “concussion” should never be used together. Anytime the brain suffers an injury, it is not a “mild” event, just like a kick to your precious nuts. This is one of my dead serious pet peeves as a health professional. It is more than semantics.

From the American Association of Neurological Surgeons:

Neurosurgeons and other brain-injury experts emphasize that although some concussions are less serious than others, there is no such thing as a “minor concussion.” In most cases, a single concussion should not cause permanent damage. A second concussion soon after the first one, however, does not have to be very strong for its effects to be deadly or permanently disabling.

The Rays are calling Forsythe’s injury a bruised left hip and lower leg and say Kiermaier had a head contusion. Both are being monitored today with special concern for Kiermaier. Kiermaier said he took the brunt of it on his chin, but this kid is a hustler and wants to play no matter what. He plays maximum effort every single play and he would play with an open head wound. I would not trust him. Bench him, coach. Make him rest.

Pro-tip: When a super-fan is uber-upset because a lot of bad stuff has happened all at once, it is not the time for a “Well, ACTUALLY.” If that is your first instinct, go kick yourself mildly in the nuts. It is the time to listen to Otis and Try a Little Tenderness.

(I have a little Skype crew of FI’ers who have become some of my closest friends. They make me smile and laugh, they challenge me–well, one of them challenges me, pain in my ass–and they bring me news from 2 years ago–thanks, COPO. We support each other though, and what I love is that even when we disagree, we brush it off, and hug it out. They are such a great group of people. The internet is so cool. 🙂 )

This was the worst part. A 63 year old female fan was badly injured by a foul ball in the face. I was wrong-I thought the netting at the Trop had not been extended. It has been, but poorly. There is a gap in the netting. The ball went through the small gap and hit the fan in the face. Souza hit that ball and went to the fan out of concern. He looked visibly shaken and supposedly according to beat writer Marc Topkin, near tears. You can see in the picture I posted above.

Souza is a nice man.

And before some of you start snarking at Souza like some of the assholes I see on Twitter, he is a baseball player, not an effing astronomer or statistician. The odds are not astronomical, duh, but I’d say they odds are fairly small, although definitely not impossible. The Rays needs to fix that immediately. Souza ended up striking out after a 12 minute delay. He admitted he could not get back into the game.

As for the song of the game, I think I would have enjoyed several punches to the face more. That is what the game felt like to me. I would have rather repeatedly punched myself in the face rather than watch that abomination.

So, today, I really, really, really mean it–what did I miss? Please fill me in. I have no idea what happened in baseball. I climbed stairs carrying boxes so many times, I felt like Sisyphus. Today I will do the same. I am going back to bed now to sleep before a very busy day tomorrow. In case you haven’t noticed, I love music. 🙂 Please include a youtube link to the song that matched the mood. It will give me something to read when I take a break. I invite you to write your own adventure today. Don’t worry if someone else wrote your team’s recap. Write your own spin.

What did I miss?

103 thoughts on “So, What Did I Miss? Write Your Own. (4/16/06)”

    • Where do you get your energy? I’m sure that you are like me and work at least 12 hour days 4 or 5 days a week, but all I have to do is do a bong-rip and drink a six pack when I get home after midnight and then post the best comments Fahkin Eva!!!!!

      *You do all this and ask nothing in return? Where do I send my money and how much you need? Thanks for all you’re doing and when the inevitable consequence of you being a free agent occurs? This will be my first stop, but I will still follow you when you are working for a penny a paragraph at NBC sportsball, however, I am gonna need an edit function.

      You give me an edit function and I will never lose a flame war again!

      Somehow I am of the belief that Mothers, your sexuality, intelligence and other carefully cultivated ” non POLITICAL CORRECTNESS” things that the Trump lover’s really like, but they may not understand will be my fucking ticket to the White House in 2020! I figured at least 2 of the 40 plus commenters on here who post regularly will back me for the lulz!

      Back of the envelope math says that 2 out of 40 = roughly half of you want me to be president and the other third would just want to give me massages while the last 3/4ths just put me in their will after the reverse mortgage which leaves me with the remainder of fuckem, fuckem right in the face for 2,000 Trebec, let’s make it a true daily double!

      I’m ONLY running on one campaign promise though, I and I alone will stop pitchers going to the plate. After that…I’m Para Sailing!😉

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      • “Where do you get your energy?”

        Cocaine and whiskey, FTW! Lol, kidding. I do like whiskey though.

        My coworkers ask me the same thing too. I bounce around like a little ping pong ball, energetically getting beds cleaned, walking out patients etc. I don’t know. The undiagnosed ADHD, most likely, is the culprit.

        Parasailing is so much fun! Let’s go!

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  5. OK, I’ll bite…. because that’s what the Jays’ pathetic bats did last night (not only did they bite, but they also sucked AND blew).. save for one exception. Check out this vomit-inducing stat:

    EE #1 – Edwin Encarnacion: 4 AB, 2 R, 3 H, 3 RBI, 0 BB, 0 K
    EE #2 – Everybody Else: 25 AB, 0 R, 0 H, 0 RBI, 2 BB, 12 K

    I’ll take that top EE over the bottom EE any day.

    Yep, except for The Parrot Whisperer™, who reached the Monster Seats twice, my boys were essentially no-hit by Pork-Cello, Tazawa, Uehara and Kimbrel. Yes, even Junichi Tazawa, whom the Jays usually beat like a rented mule (sorry Yahmule), looked like Cy-Fucking-Young against the K-happy Jays’ hitters.

    So, for the Jays hitters, just remember… Eddie’s got your backs. (how did I never see this version of this song before?)

    You want another sorry stat? Here you go…

    Through the first 11 games of the season (I know… SSS alert!), Toronto hitters have a MLB-leading 112 strikeouts — an average of more than 10 a game — while sporting an anemic slash line of .214/.293/.377. In all fairness, though, that line’s not the worst in baseball… that dubious honor belongs to Johanna’s home town crew, whose .196/.251/.316 line trails even the Twinkies and the Barves. (braces for “light” kick in the nuts).

    And floaty-ball pitcher Biggeth Dicketh, who historically struggles in April and May, ran true to form, giving up 4 runs (2 earned) and 4 walks, and was not helped at all by Thole’s 3 passed balls. Kevin Pillar, who is a great center fielder, but not so much in Boston, needs to learn how the wall works in Fenway. When you get caught too close and a carom off the wall bounces over your head back toward the infield, that is NOT a good thing. On the other hand, Michael Saunders played a couple of caroms off the Monster almost perfectly.

    Other than Edwin’s taters, the highlight of the night for me was the following…

    You know you are a novelty when they name a rule after you, but ambidextrous pitcher Pat Venditte has now also added a new sign to manager John Gibbons’ repertoire. Check it out…

    [mlbvideo id="591947783" width="400" height="224" /]

    Have a great weekend, fam.

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  6. The story of the Nats’ win in Philly last night can be summed up in one sentence:

    “Starting pitcher Joe Ross doubled before he threw his first pitch.”

    Jeremy Hellickson had nothing last night, the Nats scored 5 in the first, and cruised from there.

    I didn’t bookmark the post about how to embed videos and such here, and I’m too lazy to go find it, but the predominant theme of the game was this song – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W27oYDpMykQ

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  7. The story was walks. two leadoff walks in the first 4 innings scored. the A’s, mostly trailed by a run all game. Even mounted mini rallies against the Royal bullpen.

    But Sean Doolittle gave up another HR. 3rd in 6 games. hasn’t had a clean inning yet. its concerning. his velocity is ssssslllllliiiiiightly down from 2014, up from 2015, which is good because he was hurt. Don’t want to make too much of it. but don’t want to make nothing of it.

    as per usually (peak moneyball and 2012-first half 2014 excepted) the offense has huge black holes, and the promise of spring is fading.

    so, Situation Normal, All Fucked Up.

    sorry about your broken people. that is messed up.

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  8. Jar Jar Baseball can’t be too comfortable this morning. True, the Feesh boolpen demonstrated near-Buddhist compassion last night in making a gift of a first win to the Barves. Unfortunately, he works for Scrooge McLoria, whose reciprocal compassion, such as it is, towards his managers is more akin to Richard III’s. The Feesh are now orf to a 3-5 April, and though Jar Jar is still pretty far away from the witching number of 16-22 that doomed his predecessor’s predecessor (and perhaps his predecessor as well, since the Meerkat also sported a 16-22 record at the same point in his own blighted tenure), Jar Jar’s current winning percentage of .375 is ackcherley worse than the .421 that condemned Mike and the Meerkat. The Rainbow Warriors now find themselves lodged in fourth place in the NL East, happily south of the Gnats, Mutts and….Feelies. That cannot be making Scrooge very happy.

    The Feesh took a healthy 3-0 lead into the seventh when Chen faltered, allowing two, and Jar Jar brought in his go-to guy, the normally reliable David Phelps, who finished the inning but then melted down in the eighth, perhaps from overuse (already!) and coughed up two, then went to this guy Narverson (I need to start paying attention to this past orfseason’s bargain basement acquisitions) and had to watch in shock and horror as he coughed up two more:

    The Feesh weren’t in the mood to come back against the Barves’ stellar relief corpse of Ogando, Johnson (perhaps a generic acquisition?) and Vizcaino, and so they got to watch the postmortem fireworks display, which etched a forlorn strange attractor that seemed to be following the one from last season up some chunnel in spacetime as it eased away from the statisticians:

    How warm is Jar Jar’s seat getting? Hard to say. However, Jar Jar is already starting to rattle orf the Crash Davis cliches: “we wasted opportunities, we couldn’t get the big hit when we needed it, they got the hits when they needed them, our top lefty is on the DL, our top righty is out for the season with TJ,” in preference to blurting out something more like “well what do you expect when your front orifice hands you a collection of bargain basement scrapheap refurbishments for a boolpen?”

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  9. Know who else won last night? The Brewers. 8-4 over the Pirates. I mean…whaaaaaaaaat? Jimmy Nelson pitched and didn’t do so badly, with the exception of the end of his run, in which he gave up a 3 run homer and they brought in the wildly streaky Tyler Thornburg, but the story of the night was disgraced known liar Ryan Braun hitting two homers. Both of them went over 400 feet.

    Not sure how my small child Scooter Gennett played. C’mon, dude, I had faith in you to continue on your hot streak and this is how you repay me. 😦 I suck at the home run derby.

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  10. Of course the Kershaw/Bumgarner matchup was anti-climactic, but it was still fun to watch as called by Vin Scully. It’s only mid April and I was already getting a bit choked up listening to him at one point. I’m going to be a basket case in September.

    Kiké Hernandez and his ever important accent mark owns Madison Bumgarner’s ass about as thoroughly as one player can own another. After depositing the first pitch of the game from Madison well up the pavilion in left center, Kiké smashed a second homer his next time up. Then he ripped a double down the line to plate two more. Once he was done, he raised his career line against Bumgarner to .625/.625/1.438. 10 for 16 with four doubles and three homers and five RBI. He is killing all LHP as last night’s exploits raised his career BA Vs LHP to .378. He is 8 for 11 against southpaws this season for a ridiculous .727 batting average.

    What plays in Bumgarner’s head when Hernandez steps up to the plate.

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  11. Well, things went pretty poorly for the Cubbies in yesterday’s 6-1 loss to the Trevor Story’s.

    There will be days the offense doesn’t show up. I accept that.
    There will be days the pitching doesn’t show up. I accept that.
    There will even be days, such as yesterday, when both happen at the same time.

    But making five errors in a game is unacceptable. It is inexcusable. It should not be.

    Hopefully everyone got a good night’s sleep last night. Hopefully my boys will come to the park today resolved to elevate their game back up to where it belongs.

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    • Nice song choices, love both bands. I would have probably gone with Daft Punk’s Get Lucky. I think your young Cubs played poorly because they were out up all night to get lucky the night before last. Young good looking lads in a fun city get lucky, and then play poorly. There was one season the Rays lost every Friday night. I know exactly what they were doing Thursday night.

      Otherwise, they had a good record.

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      • Yeah, it’s hard to get too cranky about starting the season 8-2. The Cubs are going to lose somewhere between 25-35 games this year, that’s just how baseball is.

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        • Exceedingly loose.

          Something I didn’t know when I wrote that post about the Cubs’ new clubhouse….there’s a dedicated post-win party room. The room has no other purpose. Strobe lights, fog machine, the full works. I don’t think there’s any pictures of it online yet, they kept the reporters/writers from doing so when they took their tour, but I think some visual evidence will trickle out eventually.

          The air hockey and ping pong tables are in a separate room.

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  12. Oh, Jered Weaver

    I believe you better not throw another strike

    Oh, Jered Weaver

    If you do, someone is liable to whack the living motherfucking shit out of it with a stick

    Apologies to Gary Wright

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  13. The Baltimore Orioles had an OK game last night. I don’t think anything really important happened. I mean, they were down 5-1 in the 7th, when they did a few things. Like hit 4 mother fucking home runs. Mark Trumbo hit two himself. He hit 2 run and a 3 run shots. Johnathan Schoop hit one in the 7th and one in the 8th. Nolan Reimold hit one in the 7th.

    http://m.mlb.com/video/v592884583/baltex-orioles-homer-four-times-in-ninerun-7th/?game_pk=447009

    Oh, and Manny Machado and JJ Hardy did this
    http://m.mlb.com/video/topic/63817564/v592805383/baltex-mazara-out-after-call-overturned/?game_pk=447009

    Here is Schoops second of the night, which looked like he was cranking up on a Softball pitch.
    http://m.mlb.com/video/v592391283/baltex-schoop-smacks-his-second-homer-of-the-game/?game_pk=447009

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