Hey! Oh! Let’s go!!!! The Cubs did unnatural things to the Reds last night with a ridiculous 5 run 1st inning in which they sent 11 men to the plate. Poor Alfredo Simon survived just 2/3 of an inning. Reports are that he starts therapy today as he was seen muttering to himself.
Lackey the Lesser recorded the all important W. Bryant hit only his first home run of the season? Perhaps Arrieta gave him some pointers. Lackey was quoted as saying: “This lineup is deep.” Yes. Lackey: “This water is wet.” Yes, also true. Lackey: “The fire is hot.” Okay, we get it now. Thank you for the interview, Testicle Face.
Mike Trout went 3 for 5 with 3 RBIs and a stolen base. He’s my Earth (Los Angeles) Angel of Anaheim. ’bout time, baby boy. I’ve been waiting for Trout to TROUT.
Shoemaker, Trout, and Calhoun handed Oakland the sweep with a 5 -1 win. Eric Surkamp had a bad day.
Oh my God, Tropicana Field is such an abortion of a stadium. We needed a new stadium yesterday. Anyone who wonders why attendance is low is welcome to suck my ass. Because even Floridians have taste. I’m the idiot who will watch baseball in a literal garbage dump because YAY!!! BASEBALL!! I’ll find a bright side. Look at me. Don’t I just scream sunshine and daisies? The engineers who designed this stadium… uh, I’m so sorry, but what were you smoking? That was some good shit and can I have some of it? This happened last night. Props to Francisco Lindor for his fine acting. I laughed. That was funny.
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, I lost the freaking ball on the catwalk. Catwalks are for fashion week and perhaps for actual cats. Not baseball. And announcer man, Doubleday did not invent baseball, but I understand what you mean.
You know what though? As much as they are dumb, I would love to be up there one day during a game because I bet the view is spectacular. See, I just found a silver lining! I don’t know who I would have to blow to get that deal. I kid, I kid! About the blow job. I would seriously love to be up there before the tumulus joins the graveyard of defunct stadiums. They should auction that opportunity for charity.
As for the game, we got Carrasco’ed, 4 – 1. Last year, he almost no-hit us–he came within 1 strike of The Rays Annual No-hitter. Last night, he almost Maddoxed us. Baby steps. I drank as I did housework and watched the game because I knew I wasn’t missing much. Folding laundry is more fun with a drank. We did need a hero at the Thunderdome last night, but he never came.
Wow, she does have beautiful legs. Just watch the first 20 seconds.
The Braves continue their quest for 0 – 162. They got blanked by the Gnats 3 – 0 last night. The Barves play like they are sedated. Their fans certainly want to be.
I discovered The Ramones one fortuitous day. I was home really sick from school–I rarely took a day off, but I had a high fever, the works. Rock & Roll High School was on television. Wow, who was this band? And so it began.
Werth with a 2 run shot. Strasburg was a late scratch. Don’t panic! It’s not his arm. Just the flu.
The Orioles will not go 162 – 0. They will have to settle for 161 – 1. Hopefully that will be enough to make the play-offs, perhaps a wild card, but you never know. The AL East is always competitive. Boston wins, 4 – 2. Jackie Bradley almost hit a home run, but settled for this triple.
Kimbrel K’d the 9th. They really got the O’s.
The Mets eeked out a victory over Feesh, 2 – 1, as Logan Verrett and Adam Conley pitched a good old fashioned pitchers duel. I want more.
Cespedes was a bit shaken up as he jumped into the stands for a foul ball, but he was okay.
Collins used his closer for 5 outs!
Seattle wins! Wooooooo! 4 – 2 in 10 over the Rangers, finally snapping their skid. Cano homered, Cishek with the win, Dae-Ho Lee (Hey! Ho! Let’s Go!) and there is much joy.
The Blue Jays defeat the Empire, 7-2, with J.A. Happ on the mound–because we’re Happy! Clap along if you feel like Happ-iness is the truth! I almost died when that song was popular. Don’ get me wrong. The first time I heard it, I started clapping along and my co-workers and I did an impromptu dance for a patient. She loved it. It was such a cute song. The 10,000,000,000,000,000th time I heard it, I was ready to self-immolate. Here is a better version, in my opinion:
Pineda pitched well enough, going 6 innings, giving up 3 runs (2 earned) but still took the loss.
“I thought he threw the ball pretty well tonight,” Yankees manager Joe Girardi said. “He gave up the two earned runs in the six innings against a pretty good offense here. I thought he did a good job.”
Ivan Nova no va. He appears to be struggling with the role of long reliever. Goins got going–3 for 4.
Wow, there was a lot of baseball yesterday.
Jarrod “Bush Jumper” Saltalamacchia grand slam in yesterday’s Bucs – Tigers game, the difference maker in the Tigers’ 7 – 3 win. The victim: pitcher Arquimedes Caminero. Ooooooh, I like that name too. He sounds like a dastardly character on a telenovela. “Arquimedes! No me quieres mas?! Porque? Te amo! Piensa de tu bebe!! Arquimedes!!!!!!!!” (break into a sob) Ian Kinsler also homered. His name is okay, I guess. He sounds like a lawyer.
Indecision me molesta. Si no me quieres, librame. Dime! ¿Qué tengo ser? ¿Sabes que ropa me quedar? Pero tienes que decir. ¿Me debo ir o quedarme?
The Phillies win again, 2 – 1 over the Padres. This is no way to get that top draft pick, Phillies. Keep up that winning. Eickhoff pitched well for them, 9 Ks in 7 innings. His opponent Colin Rea (whose name sounds like something we treat at my surgery center–we do lots of colonoscopies–“I’m sorry, you have a terrible case of ‘colinrea’) also pitched well, but his good for nothing team didn’t help him at all.
If I told you Altuve went 3 for 5 and Scott Feldman pitched well, you would say oh, the Astros won? Nope. They lost 4 -2 to the Royals. Salvador Perez homered and Hochevar with the win. Look at this Altuve homer that reaches the train tracks. That is one strong little man.
Wonder Twin powers, do not activate. The Twins are the Barves soulmates, winless for the season, adrift, lost. They wasted a good effort by their starter, Phil Hughes, as they fell to the White Sox, 3 – 0. Carlos Rodon got the win. The Twins had scoring opportunities. One of my favorite sayings is: a RISP is a terrible thing to waste. It makes me seethe.
Can’t fight the seether.
Nolan Arenado did what he does best. Mash the ball, 2 home runs. He drove in 7 yesterday. Of course, RBIs are a team dependent stat–it means he has nice, considerate teammates who get on base for him, but still. 7 RBIs. He had the good sense to drive those nice teammates in when had the chance. The Rockies won 10 – 6. Trevor Brown continues his quest to All About Eve Buster Posey, going 2 for 4.
The Dodgers defeat the D’backs at home, 3 – 1. I tried my best to watch this game, but alas, my MLB.tv let me down last night on every format I tried to stream–iPad, laptop, Amazon Firestick–so sad face. No Scully for me. Hopefully that was just a one night issue. Nick Ahmed homered, and errored, but pitcher Alex Wood was your man tonight.
St. Louis loses 6 – 4 to the Brewers. “…Domingo Santana connected off of closer Trevor Rosenthal for a two run shot, silencing Busch Stadium and ending St. Louis’ four game win streak.” 😉
Son of a motherless goat, I’m stuck at work for the plethora of matinee games. Please keep me updated! Patients are so needy. 🙂 I will miss a lot. Sigh, Archer, my baby boy.
So, what did I miss?