For those keeping count, and we’re baseball fans, that’s all we do, is keep count, the Orioles are now 7 – 0 for the season. We bow before your divine majesty. Come your highness. They await you.
To put it in historical perspective, this is their franchise’s best start since moving to Baltimore in 1954. This is also the team that did not get their first Spring Training win until their 13th game, which shows you how much stake you should put in early spring training games (i.e. zero). Those games are just warm-ups. Big Papi hit his 506th homer in the game.
Ortiz’s three homers in the first seven games of the season made him the first player 40 years or older to pull off that feat since Hank Aaron in 1974. Papi’s double in the eighth was his 293rd at Fenway, passing Wade Boggs for third on the all-time club list behind Hall of Famers Ted Williams and Carl Yastrzemski.
Fantastic match-up for chicks who dig the fastball: Syndergaard v. Fernandez. Even more important–it was the Iron Giant versus Thor. This was the first time the two faced each other. Thor can throw 99.86 mph. The Iron Giant can hit 120.14 mph. The universe could have imploded. Do you even realize what mortal danger we were in last night? You had no idea, did you? We are all lucky to be alive. The match-up between the two marquee pitchers did not disappoint. The fishy ones won 2 – 1. Thor struck out 12, but his team could muster no offense against the fun loving Jose Fernandez, who struck out 10 (nope, he struck 5, thanks Original Gangsta. I must have given him extra crediy for being adorable.) Jose was quoted after the game as saying, with his trademark smile,”I try to make it fun all the time.” This young man gets it. He gets everything. Few have suffered in his life like he has in his young life. He almost died to make it to this country. Arrested multiple times before he was 15: charge, trying to defect. Cuban prisons are not fun. Yet, he still has fun. I love that boy. I really like it when a baseball player is great, of course, but I love it when they are even better humans than they are players.
Martin Prado hit the go-ahead sacrifice fly in the 8th as the Marlins take two in a row from the Mets.
My boys had a good night against a team that normally vexes us terribly, Cleveland. Even when they stink, Cleveland has our number. They swept the Rays in 4 games the last time they were in town and had a +13 run differential against them in 2015. Yeah, we are their bitch. I hate Cleveland, the city. I have been there. Personal vendetta, non-baseball reasons. When Lebron ripped the heart out of that city, I was happy. Fuck you, Cleveland. You deserve it. You suck so much, your own river set itself aflame to commit suicide. It no longer wanted to be associated with Cleveland. Ohio sucks. I’ll tell you how I really feel another time. Why anyone would live there when you could even live in New Jersey, I don’t know.
I know everyone cares about my Rays and the nameless team, so let me get on with it. Corey Kluber was on the hill for the bad guys. Cleveland should have been thrilled to be in a 72 degree climate controlled dome after getting snowed out for so many days in the first week. That had to suck. As usual, the Rays fell behind. Matt Moore pitched well though, and gave the Rays a chance to come back, and come back they did, pleasing this momma. Luckily, the kids were asleep so they could not hear my cheering (and cursing). I was listening to the B-52s as the Rays played, which means I fell asleep the minute they won. I would fall asleep in college to this all the time, and yesterday’s blog post reminded me of them. I do sleep.
Their ethereal voices would soothe and lull me. I woke up later. Time to write the re-cap.
The Rays won 5 – 1. Kluber held the Rays to a sole run through 7 2/3 and then ginger Logan Forsythe hit a 2 run bomb. Longoria then suddenly remembered he’s actually a decent player and hit his own 2 run shot. Good times, good times.
For @professormaddog31, there was an instance of mascot abuse.
The Yankees were winners over the Blue Jays, 3 – 2. Oh, yes McCann can can, oh, yes, McCann can can. I actually felt nauseous typing that. John Sterling, how do you live with yourself? But yes, Team America: Baseball Police Brian McCann did indeed hit a home run to help propel the Empire to victory. I’m sure glad we have McCann policing baseball, making sure everyone stays in line. What are you going to do when he comes for you? Disney! Porno! Internet! Sushi! Liberty! Baseball! Fuck yeah!
Aaron Sanchez pitched well for the Jays, but no run support, eh? What is that aboot? Sumtin’ wrong with your hydro?
I normally do the Phillies last, but let me change it up. They are actually winning, and I like their mascot, and even a couple of their phans. You know I have really grown as a person. When I was a kid, I hated this team so much (Mets fan), and now, I even like a couple of their phans? Wut? You should be soooo proud of me. Anyhow, the San Diego Padres have been shut out in their first 4 of 8 games this season, which okay. I can’t think of San Diego without thinking of Anchorman, so fuck you San Diego. (There should probably be a warning on today’s post. When I get little sleep, my cursing goes up exponentially.) As for the game, Charlie Morton struck out 7 for the Phillies, as they went on to beat the Padres 3 – zip. Herrera’s RBI triple helped to seal the deal.
The following song has absolutely nothing to do with anything. I simply love it. So, here it is. Let’s see. The band’s name is The Outfield and there was an outfield in the Phillies – Padres game. I can confirm that fact so there. That is the baseball connection. Come around and talk it over because there are so many things I want to say. I ain’t got many friends left to talk to and nowhere to run.
Oh, Braves. Still winless after all these weeks. 0 – 7. The Nationals won 2-1 as Royce Harper did his thang because that’s what Royces do.
Look at Harper celebrating on second base. What would McCann say? Shame, shame! No respect for the game. The Nationals are 5 – 1 and though it is early, it looks like they are fulfilling all that promise they held last year. Dusty Baker, huh. He’s a uniter, not a divider. In honor of el doble, hit it! It takes two bases to make a thing go right.
Rough night for Oakland as Pooholes also decided that it takes two to make a thing go right, with a two run double in the 8th to assist the Angels in their comeback efforts. To cement it, Geovany Soto put a dagger in it with a two run shot (because it takes two again), in the 9th. The final score: 5 – 4. Gravemen pitched well, but the bullpen let the A’s down with Doolittle taking the loss. The Angels have won 10 of their last 13 at O.co. (Do not click this link, clydeserra. You seem like a nice person.)
My basketball loving friends will get a kick out of this. Trout and the Angels visited the Warriors and played a game of P-I-G with Stephen Curry. I say Trout needs to focus more on baseball and scoring me more fantasy points. 😉 Basketball, smh.
In Seattle, we have heartwarming story. Not for Seattle, they have been terrible so far. The Rangers won 8 – 0. This story escaped me Monday night, but I will tell it now. Rangers catcher, 27-year-old Brett Nicholas who had spent 6 years in the minor leagues, overlooked as a prospect, made his major league debut. He had about 20 family members there to see it happen, including his 92 year old grandpa, Frank McCabe, who taught him how to play. I think I just got a little dust in my eye. I need to dust more. Nicholas said he had goosebumps. Yeah.
As for the game yesterday, Wade Miley sucked as the Mariners lose their 5th straight game. Adrian “Don’t Touch My Motherfucking Head, Alright” Beltre had a 5 RBI night including a home run. Beltre dopped a bomb on the Mariners.
The Tiggers bounced back last night against the Bucs, 8 – 2, because that’s what Tiggers do, they bounce. Pretty Venezuelan pitcher Anibal Sanchez pitched well and Justin Upton flexed some muscle, sending a shot to straight away center that has not landed yet. 451 feet per Statcast. Exit velocity 111 mph. Angle 28 degree. That’s what Justin Upton do. Nicasio, my bleepin’ fantasy pitcher took the loss. Nicasio is an asshole.
Bounce it, indeed. That swing was a thing of beauty.
The Royals topped the Astros, 3 – 2, with Lorenzo Cain showing some firepower early in the game–a three run homer in the first inning, which stood up the rest of the game. Kansas City, can we please have Davis back? No take backsies? Dang.
My baby boy Trevor Story was eaten by a shark last night. Tragic story. Smardizajiajzazia struck him out 3 times, which seems excessive to me. Downright mean, really. San Francisco had no trouble shutting down Colorado, 7 – 2. Back-up catcher Trever Brown of the Giants, playing because Posey is resting a sore foot, made a bid to take over Buster’s job full time, hitting a couple of two run homers. Posey, who?
Kenta Maeda, one of my new favorites, went six scoreless for the Dodgers but it was not enough as Nick Ahmed went yard in the 7th and Goldie did the same in the 8th for Arizona, giving the D’backs the win, 4 – 2. This was the Dodgers home opener which means–yes! Vin Scully. His last year. Enjoy it everyone. He is a treasure. I am going to miss that voice so much. I got to catch the last couple of innings of this game. I could really listen to him talk all night long. Best baseball commentator of all time that I have ever heard, and it’s not close. Puig made a great throw home. Listen to him call it. He’s silent for a couple of beats, letting the play tell the story.
And with that, I bid both you and Vin Scully adios.
So, what did I miss?