I honestly twitched every time he came up to bat, like a rat receiving electric shocks in a horrible psych experiment. I was resigned that he was going to do awful things to me and my Rays. So what do I do? I named my orange and white kitten “Crush” after him. Respect. They are both insane and strong like bull.
(Serious Note: When I say Chris Davis is “insane”, this is in no way related to his ADD diagnosis. I am referring to the intensity he displays on the field. My own little girl struggles with ADD, and sometimes I suspect the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, but that is besides the point. I would never disparage anyone with any kind of medical diagnosis. If you want to see a heated Latina nurse, do that in a professional setting. There will be words exchanged.)
The game was tied in the top of the 9th against one of the best closers in the game on the mound, vulture/eagle Craig Kimbrel, and Boston got a taste of my nightmares. Crush untied the game in a heartbeat with a three run blast. I won’t go into much more detail–you can get that here from Scout’s report (he’s just a teensy weensy bit of a fan, just a touch ;-). The O’s beat the Sox, 9-7.
I will include the blast because again, respect. So far, Angelos’ money seems well spent.
I adore STATCAST, powered by Amazon–gotta give my Amazon a shout-out. Hitting metrics: Exit Velocity 111.2 mph, Launch Angle 32 deg, Projected Distance 426 feet. This is the stuff that would have seemed like science fiction to me as a kid.
On a very happy note, Red Sox manager John Ferrell appeared at Fenway for the first time since being declared cancer free because no matter what side of the diamond you are on, I think we can all agree on this: FUCK CANCER.
Verlander had a tough night in Pittsburgh, as the Pirates tattooed him for 7 runs, all earned, in 4 1/3, while giving up 10 hits and striking out only two. Let’s just say it was not a good outing. It was the end of the world as he knew it, but he felt fine.
It’s okay, big V, to have a rough night. Remember, it’s our basic human right to be fuck-ups. The civilization was founded on fuck-ups. (C’mon, name the movie, dog.) Cervelli and Polanco of the Bucs had three hits each as they feasted on Panthera tigris. Don’t they know they are endangered? Sheesh, guys. McCann and Jaso collided at first. It looked scary, but it appears everyone is okay.
Los Ositos won their home opener, 5 -3, against the Reds. It was a tale of two nights. Brandon Finnegan was on cruise control throwing a no-no into the 7th against the young little bears, looking to spoil their home opener, where Warbird made a touching appearance on crutches, earning huge cheers from the crowd before the game. Finnegan did not win again–it was all for naught as the Cubs roared back in the 8th on the mighty bat Addison Russell. You can call it a comeback.
You are one happy fan base, Cubbies. I’m not used to happy, winning Cubs fans. Here ya go. I wasn’t used to “happy” R.E.M. songs either.
Stipe hates this song. It was supposedly a parody of Chinese politics, but no one got it. Who gives an eff? It’s an outrageously happy fucking sounding song–the major, concordant chords, the happy strings, Kate Pierson’s gorgeous voice–and art can be interpreted by the audience any way they want. That is part of the deal with art. You don’t tell people how to define it. Get the stick out of your ass, Stipe, and lighten up. I love R.E.M. but it is okay to have fun sometimes. I love Kate Pierson which is probably why I don’t mind this song. The B-52s are awesome too although Love Shack can go die a bloody, horrible Game of Thrones death. Okay, baseball. Since the B-52s and R.E.M. are from Athens, Georgia, let’s talk about our sad Braves…
Yes. They lost again to the Nationals, 6 – 4. Poor Barves. 0 – 6 to start the season. Worse start since 1988. When the day is long. And the night. The night is your alone… Everybody hurts. Everybody cries.
Scherzer did his thing–not as sharp as normal (6 IP, 4 ER, 6 H, 3 BB, 6 K) but it was enough–and Wilson Ramos had a very good night (4 for 4) for the Natitudes. For the Braves, Pierzynski got a 2 run double… I’m trying to find some silver linings here. Oh, my god, Pierzynski is still on your team. I am so sorry. Hugs for all y’all. It will get better, I promise. Someday. I don’t know when. I’m a nurse, Jim; not a psychic, dammit!
I’m trying to do some west coast teams before I run out of time because there ain’t no party like a west coast party. Sorry, gotta get my hip-hop fix:
Our long national nightmare is over. At least, mine is. Mike Trout FINALLY homers. Everyone and their grandmother has homered this season. I don’t know if you know it, but even you homered this season. American League pitchers are DH’ing now because home runs, man. But The Mike Trout of New Jersey couldn’t score with a hooker the first week of the season. Fi-Na-Lly! Finallllllly, it has happened. (Yes, he is on my fantasy team, why do you ask? :-)) If the Angels have ANY hope, they need Trout to be MVP Trout. He is the straw that stirs that drink. Or the fish that stirs up their mud? Oh, whatever. This year, not so much. It’s early, of course, but so far, shaking my damn head. The Angels of Anaheim took down my brothers by the bay, the A’s, 4 – 1. Sonny Gray with the loss. Nick Tropeano, a fill-in for injured Heaney, pitched very nicely for the Angels, earning rave reviews from Pooholes.
“He’s a guy we’re going to have to count on,” Angels first baseman Albert Pujols said of Tropeano. “He came out here, no pressure, kept the ball down, and I thought his changeup was pretty amazing.”
Prince Fielder and Rougned Odor (another one of my favorite baseball names) combined to take the Rangers to victory with a total of five ribbies in support of their pitcher, Colby Lewis, who topped the Mariners, 7-3. Nelson Cruz hit a blast for the Mariners, and was responsible for all of their offense. The Mariners have now lost 4 straight and are looking for a captain to set them straight. Get it, get it? Oh, that was bad.
Houston does not have a problem as they smack down the Royals, 8 – 2. The Altuves and Correas of the world made their presence known. Altuve, Correa, Springer, and Rasmus “combined for 10 hits, 6 RBIs, and 5 runs scored.” McHugh pitched very nicely for them as well, tossing 7 scoreless inning. This song seems appropriate when discussing Houston.
Let’s play Twister. 🙂
The Feesh took down the Mets 10 – 3. This doesn’t even make sense.
Steve Matz is a fine young pitcher, but last night, you wouldn’t know it. He lost his first game in the majors as Stanton and Ozuna schooled the young man in the fine art of getting your ass beat down. The Marlins batted around in the second inning.
Speaking of beat downs, St. Louis did that to the Brewers, 10 – 1 in their home opener. The got 10 extra base hits in the effort, doing it the right way. Symmetry–10 runs, 10 extra base hits. I know that makes no sense, hush. Hazelbaker goes 4 for 4. Wacha Wacha Wacha was on cruise control, striking out 7 in his effort. Jungmann for the Brewers sucked eggs. Because most Cardinals fans don’t get irony well:
San Diego defeats the Phillies, 4-3, in the Phillies’ home opener. The Phillies are accustomed to having Opening Day losses. The have lost it the last 10 of 13 years. Wil Myers hit a home run for the Padres off Aaron Nola, who sounds like a celestial body to me. “Make sure you stay up late tomorrow to catch the ‘aaron-nola’; it only comes around every 30 years.” You might be dead in 30 years, so be sure to stay up late and watch it.
Amarista’s suicide squeeze bunt, heh. Play for one, that’s all you’ll get, but at this point of the game, one is all they needed:
The White Sox defeated the Twins, 4-1, the Twins are 0 for the season, and uh, that Everybody Hurts link above? Click it again, Twins fans. I’m so sorry. Uh, your stadium is really nice. Oh, and your fans are so polite when they visit the Trop. Not like those asshole Yankees and Red Sox fans who think they own the place. I don’t mind when you guys visit at all. And it’s April! Really early in the season! Remember, there are lots of teams that started off crappy and then ended strong, and vice versa. (I’m talking to myself too. My team isn’t exactly off to the hottest start either. 🙂 )
I love my team.
So, what did I miss? Crap, it is 0525. I have to be at work in one hour!