So, What Did I Miss? (4/12/16)


You talkin’ to me?

The Baltimore Orioles have decided they are never gonna lose again. Don’t eff with them. It is no secret that I think Chris “Crush” Davis is kinda nuts. He’s so intense on the field, and when he looks at the camera with those laser beam eyes, I am surprised he doesn’t bore a hole in them with the heat he shoots from them. He tortured my team in 2013 in a 3 game set with this slash line: 636/.692/1.727. An OPS of 2.419!!!! 

I honestly twitched every time he came up to bat, like a rat receiving electric shocks in a horrible psych experiment. I was resigned that he was going to do awful things to me and my Rays. So what do I do? I named my orange and white kitten “Crush” after him. Respect. They are both insane and strong like bull.

(Serious Note: When I say Chris Davis is “insane”, this is in no way related to his ADD diagnosis. I am referring to the intensity he displays on the field. My own little girl struggles with ADD, and sometimes I suspect the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, but that is besides the point. I would never disparage anyone with any kind of medical diagnosis. If you want to see a heated Latina nurse, do that in a professional setting. There will be words exchanged.)

The game was tied in the top of the 9th against one of the best closers in the game on the mound, vulture/eagle Craig Kimbrel, and Boston got a taste of my nightmares. Crush untied the game in a heartbeat with a three run blast. I won’t go into much more detail–you can get that here from Scout’s report (he’s just a teensy weensy bit of a fan, just a touch ;-). The O’s beat the Sox, 9-7.

I will include the blast because again, respect. So far, Angelos’ money seems well spent.

I adore STATCAST, powered by Amazon–gotta give my Amazon a shout-out.  Hitting metrics: Exit Velocity 111.2 mph, Launch Angle 32 deg, Projected Distance 426 feet. This is the stuff that would have seemed like science fiction to me as a kid.

On a very happy note, Red Sox manager John Ferrell appeared at Fenway for the first time since being declared cancer free because no matter what side of the diamond you are on, I think we can all agree on this: FUCK CANCER.

Verlander had a tough night in Pittsburgh, as the Pirates tattooed him for 7 runs, all earned, in 4 1/3, while giving up 10 hits and striking out only two. Let’s just say it was not a good outing. It was the end of the world as he knew it, but he felt fine.

It’s okay, big V, to have a rough night. Remember, it’s our basic human right to be fuck-ups. The civilization was founded on fuck-ups. (C’mon, name the movie, dog.) Cervelli and Polanco of the Bucs had three hits each as they feasted on Panthera tigris. Don’t they know they are endangered? Sheesh, guys. McCann and Jaso collided at first. It looked scary, but it appears everyone is okay.

Los Ositos won their home opener, 5 -3, against the Reds. It was a tale of two nights. Brandon Finnegan was on cruise control throwing a no-no into the 7th against the young little bears, looking to spoil their home opener, where Warbird made a touching appearance on crutches, earning huge cheers from the crowd before the game. Finnegan did not win again–it was all for naught as the Cubs roared back in the 8th on the mighty bat Addison Russell. You can call it a comeback.

You are one happy fan base, Cubbies. I’m not used to happy, winning Cubs fans. Here ya go. I wasn’t used to “happy” R.E.M. songs either.

Stipe hates this song. It was supposedly a parody of Chinese politics, but no one got it. Who gives an eff? It’s an outrageously happy fucking sounding song–the major, concordant chords, the happy strings, Kate Pierson’s gorgeous voice–and art can be interpreted by the audience any way they want. That is part of the deal with art. You don’t tell people how to define it. Get the stick out of your ass, Stipe, and lighten up. I love R.E.M. but it is okay to have fun sometimes. I love Kate Pierson which is probably why I don’t mind this song. The B-52s are awesome too although Love Shack can go die a bloody, horrible Game of Thrones death. Okay, baseball. Since the B-52s and R.E.M. are from Athens, Georgia, let’s talk about our sad Braves…

Yes. They lost again to the Nationals, 6 – 4. Poor Barves. 0 – 6 to start the season. Worse start since 1988. When the day is long. And the night. The night is your alone… Everybody hurts. Everybody cries.

Scherzer did his thing–not as sharp as normal (6 IP, 4 ER, 6 H, 3 BB, 6 K) but it was enough–and Wilson Ramos had a very good night (4 for 4) for the Natitudes. For the Braves, Pierzynski got a 2 run double… I’m trying to find some silver linings here. Oh, my god, Pierzynski is still on your team. I am so sorry. Hugs for all y’all. It will get better, I promise. Someday. I don’t know when. I’m a nurse, Jim; not a psychic, dammit!

I’m trying to do some west coast teams before I run out of time because there ain’t no party like a west coast party. Sorry, gotta get my hip-hop fix:

Our long national nightmare is over. At least, mine is. Mike Trout FINALLY homers. Everyone and their grandmother has homered this season. I don’t know if you know it, but even you homered this season. American League pitchers are DH’ing now because home runs, man. But The Mike Trout of New Jersey couldn’t score with a hooker the first week of the season. Fi-Na-Lly! Finallllllly, it has happened. (Yes, he is on my fantasy team, why do you ask? :-)) If the Angels have ANY hope, they need Trout to be MVP Trout. He is the straw that stirs that drink. Or the fish that stirs up their mud? Oh, whatever. This year, not so much. It’s early, of course, but so far, shaking my damn head. The Angels of Anaheim took down my brothers by the bay, the A’s, 4 – 1. Sonny Gray with the loss. Nick Tropeano, a fill-in for injured Heaney, pitched very nicely for the Angels, earning rave reviews from Pooholes.

“He’s a guy we’re going to have to count on,” Angels first baseman Albert Pujols said of Tropeano. “He came out here, no pressure, kept the ball down, and I thought his changeup was pretty amazing.”

Prince Fielder and Rougned Odor (another one of my favorite baseball names) combined to take the Rangers to victory with a total of five ribbies in support of their pitcher, Colby Lewis, who topped the Mariners, 7-3. Nelson Cruz hit a blast for the Mariners, and was responsible for all of their offense. The Mariners have now lost 4 straight and are looking for a captain to set them straight. Get it, get it? Oh, that was bad.

Houston does not have a problem as they smack down the Royals, 8 – 2. The Altuves and Correas of the world made their presence known. Altuve, Correa, Springer, and Rasmus “combined for 10 hits, 6 RBIs, and 5 runs scored.” McHugh pitched very nicely for them as well, tossing 7 scoreless inning. This song seems appropriate when discussing Houston.

Let’s play Twister. 🙂

The Feesh took down the Mets 10 – 3. This doesn’t even make sense.

Steve Matz is a fine young pitcher, but last night, you wouldn’t know it. He lost his first game in the majors as Stanton and Ozuna schooled the young man in the fine art of getting your ass beat down. The Marlins batted around in the second inning.


Speaking of beat downs, St. Louis did that to the Brewers, 10 – 1 in their home opener. The got 10 extra base hits in the effort, doing it the right way. Symmetry–10 runs, 10 extra base hits. I know that makes no sense, hush. Hazelbaker goes 4 for 4. Wacha Wacha Wacha was on cruise control, striking out 7 in his effort. Jungmann for the Brewers sucked eggs.  Because most Cardinals fans don’t get irony well:

San Diego defeats the Phillies, 4-3, in the Phillies’ home opener. The Phillies are accustomed to having Opening Day losses. The have lost it the last 10 of 13 years. Wil Myers hit a home run for the Padres off Aaron Nola, who sounds like a celestial body to me. “Make sure you stay up late tomorrow to catch the ‘aaron-nola’; it only comes around every 30 years.” You might be dead in 30 years, so be sure to stay up late and watch it.

Amarista’s suicide squeeze bunt, heh. Play for one, that’s all you’ll get, but at this point of the game, one is all they needed:

The White Sox defeated the Twins, 4-1, the Twins are 0 for the season, and uh, that Everybody Hurts link above? Click it again, Twins fans. I’m so sorry. Uh, your stadium is really nice. Oh, and your fans are so polite when they visit the Trop. Not like those asshole Yankees and Red Sox fans who think they own the place. I don’t mind when you guys visit at all. And it’s April! Really early in the season! Remember, there are lots of teams that started off crappy and then ended strong, and vice versa. (I’m talking to myself too. My team isn’t exactly off to the hottest start either. 🙂 )

I love my team.

So, what did I miss? Crap, it is 0525. I have to be at work in one hour!



57 thoughts on “So, What Did I Miss? (4/12/16)

  1. In our home, SomeDaughterInVa (The Sequel) and I have an expression: “Gio gonna Gio”, referring to Mr. Gonzalez’ unfortunate propensity to go from cruising to melting down in the space of an inning.

    When we got in the car after basketball practice last night, the score was already 4-3 Barves after an inning and a half, and my comment was “Scherzer must’ve Gio’d tonight”. Turned out that he just needed to settle in after six days’ rest, and he put things to right after that.

    Despite the offensive outbursts, there was only one home run hit last night, as newly-acquired 2B Daniel Murphy tied Harper for the team lead with his second “tater”.

    Tonight, Gio pitches on 14 days’ rest, which is apparently enough time for him to grow out a mane that goes beyond mere mullet to somewhere between Samardzjia-esque and Syndergaardian proportions; we’ll see just how much Gio’ing he does.

    Liked by 3 people

    • If Lucas Giolito manages to live up to even half of the hype surrounding him, maybe you can re-purpose that “Gio gonna Gio” slogan to mean something a bit more team-friendly.

      Liked by 1 person

    • when he was young, we just wondered if good gio or bad gio was going to show up.

      after 2011, the premium for buying season seats was an alt gold top with anyone’s name. we all decided the our point guy of our group should get it. he chose Gio, figuing he was safe from a purge. he had not received the jersey before Gio tunred into tommy milone and derek norris.

      Liked by 1 person

      • My general expectation for any game he starts is that bad gio will certainly make an appearance, it’s just a question of whether we’ll see good gio first, and for how long.

        Drew Storen was always the poster boy around here for the pitcher lacking in mental toughness, but for my money, Gio, and to a lesser extent, Strasburg both deserve to be on the receiving end of that kind of criticism, too.

        Case in point – you say “2012 NLDS Game 5” to a Nats fan, and the first reaction most of them will have will be “Fucking Storen, man”. You know what, though? The Nats jumped out to a 6-0 lead in that game, and the starting pitcher, Gio, pissed away most of that lead; he deserves at least as much of the blame as Storen gets.

        Maybe things will be different this year under new pitching coach Mike Maddux, but I don’t even think they’re expecting much. They slotted him between Scherzer and Strasburg in the rotation because they expect Gio to require more bullpen help than the other two, who tend to go deeper in games. It’s intelligent rotation construction, but I think Baker and Maddux know what they’re dealing with here.


  2. With the Jays having an off day before hosting the Borg tonight, last night’s baseball was all about the FI Fantasy League and the Home Run pools.

    When I got home from work, my wife was watching the Orioles and Red Sox. When Crush belted that 3-run bomb in the 9th, I cheered. My wife asked why I wanted Baltimore to win, and I said I don’t care who wins, I have Davis as my Full Season pick this week, so let him get a hot bat. Later, I watched a few innings of the Astros beating up on the Bad Boys, cheering for McHugh all the way and he rewarded me with a QS, as did Wacha Wacha Wacha.

    Tonight it’s Sanchez vs Tanaka at the SkyDome.


  3. You went on an REM kick… in a blog post about baseball… and didn’t include anything from The Baseball Project? “Harvey Haddix” would have been perfect for Finnegan cruising on a no-no only to be let down by his team in the end.


  4. I know you chose “Everybody Hurts” for the Braves, but I probably would have gone with “Strange Currencies” because…

    I tripped and fell, and did I fall
    What I want to feel, I want to feel it now
    You know with love come strange currencies
    And here is my appeal
    I need a chance, a second chance, a third chance, a fourth chance
    A word, a signal, a nod, a little breath
    Just to fool myself, to catch myself, to make it real, real


  5. was so happy yesterday morning, i had so much hope.

    i am sorry for all your “Fantasy” “teams” as mike trout gets shut down starting now. he can have his walks, in advance of a double play, but that’s it. better sit him against the mighty Kendall Graveman*.

    the mets did not have it. i don’t know what to say about them. those are the only games i caught.

    seriously, how do you do this. I got up late, and am halfway through lunches. gonna be late for court.

    *seriously, Mike Scioscia, sit him.


  6. It was funny. CBS Sports Fantasy site gave Price an advantage last night. He was “lucky” to face Baltimore at home instead of Toronto on the road.

    I find baseball analytical expertise to be a highly overrated commodity.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Last night’s national broadcast game analysis was all about Barry Bonds. I thought for a minute they were running the audio of a Bonds 30 for 30 over the game because the Marlins suck or something. I guess they didn’t have any play analysis to offer, so they just fell back on Bond’s HoF chances.


  7. I have not read this yet because I’m still laughing too hard at the REM set list being interrupted abruptly by a Coolio track. Talk about talking me down memory road of my own eclecticism.


  8. I was watching the Cubs telecast last night, so I missed this bit of insight from the Reds’ booth…

    It really seems like they’ve cracked the code.


Join in on the conversation!

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s