Happy Monday, everybody. What? Does somebody have a case of the Mondays? Well, cheer up because damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.
You know who is gangsta? Jake Arrieta. He had a 32 inning scoreless streak dating back to last season broken by Goldie. His pitching is just ridiculous, but apparently, he now fancies himself a hitter. Okay, so there is this little homer run epidemic right now in MLB and that shit is more contagious than malaria. If you don’t believe the ball is juiced, check this out. Arrieta hit a 440 foot homer. The goddammed pitcher. Now, I know he’s a strong boy. His workouts are the stuff of legend. But that ball got jacked. That is insane. I was looking up data for home run totals of this point last year versus last year. If this keeps up, the National Leaguers are going to really start thinking they’re right, and we can’t have that nonsense. Okay, enough with my nonsense.
Wow, it is a beautiful moon shot. I don’t care who hit it. Just sit there and admire it.
Huge h/t to @longfootlefty for figuring out how to embed MLB videos and teaching the rest of us. Now I can bring y’all beautiful images like that one. You get to be an honorary gangsta too today, Mr. Foot. Or is it Mr. Longlefty? Whatever. Don’t let it get to your head. (I have Gangsta bestowing powers. All Bronx people do.)
The Cubs won the game 4 – 3 over the D’backs and they start the season 5 – 1 on the road. Not too shabby.
You know who else is a gangsta? My boy Trevor Story. Guess what he did? No, no. Not that. Ah, geez, that’s disgusting, you pig. No, man, he hit another home run for his 7th home run in 6 games. Seriously, you disturb sometimes.
My Storybook Love continues! Woot! According to MLB.com: “Rumor has it he made his bat out of a tree felled by lightning in his boyhood home in Texas.”
Instead of Princess Buttercup and the Dread Pirate, it should be Trevor Story and his baseball bat. The Colorado Stories won 6-3 over San Diego.
Story with the most adorable quote ever:
“I feel good hitting pitches right now.”
Yes, indeed you do. Actually he deserves a more bad-ass song than the Princess Bride theme. Sorry about that. Trevor Story made me go soft. Here ya go, Trevor:
Now you are gangsta.
Know who else is gangsta? The Baltimore Orioles. They remain MLB’s sole undefeated team (5 – 0) as they handed my Rays a spanking, 5 – 3, and taking the two game set. Remember when the O’s couldn’t buy a win in Spring Training? Yeah, you can ignore Spring Training stats. 🙂 Bang, bang. The Orioles shot my team down.
Manuel Machado was extra supa dupa gangsta, with 4 hits, and of course, a home run. Corey Dickerson hit one too. You get a home run, and you get a home run, and everybody gets a home run! The Rays attempted a comeback–don’t call it a comeback, seriously don’t–but they fell short. You know why? Because Hank Conger pinch hit with the bases loaded in the 9th inning, and he sucks.
Marco Estrada was gangsta yesterday as he played stopper for the Blue Jays, ending their 4 game skid with a commanding performance over the Red Sox. The final score 3 – 0, Jays. For the Red Sox, knuckleballer and noted wry comedian Steven Wright took the mound. Donaldson went yard. I love the way he finished his swing. Very graceful.
In San Francisco, our gangsta of the day was Brandon Belt (2 for 3 with a 2 run HR) as he lead the Giants over the Dodgers with his thuggish ways, 8-6. Both starting pitchers, Scott Kazmir for the Dodgers and Johnny Cueto for the Giants, looked terrible. Cueto gave up 5 runs to the Dodgers in the first, yet the Dodgers still lost.
Brandon Belt’s boots were made for walking all over the Dodgers.
“Posey’s third-inning home run gave the Giants seven consecutive games with homers, breaking the franchise record dating back to 1913. The previous streak was six, in 1948 and 2000.”
Jeremy Hellickson, gangsta? The Phillies took the series from the Mets at Citi Field. I didn’t even know that’s where Hellickson ended up. However, he outdueled the Dark Knight to a tune of 5 – 2, and that makes him pretty gangsta. Beating up Batman, damn. Herrera homers for the Phillies.
The series win gave the Phillies more wins at Citi Field already this season than they amassed all of last year.
Small victories, Phillies phans. Small victories.
The final score was 2 – 1. Reds starter Tim Melville was pretty good in his debut, although they limited him to only 4 innings.
Jayson Werth finally broke out of his 0 for the season mini-slump in Washington to break a 1 – 1 tie with a single, and lead the Nats to victory, 4 – 2 over the Feesh. I suppose the gangsta in this game was Joe Ross, who pitched a hell of a game for the Nationals.
St. Louis murdered the Braves, 12 – 7, sweeping the series. The police are looking for witnesses but you know, snitches get stitches, bitches. Gangstas don’t talk. I didn’t see shit, and if you know what is good for you, neither did you. The word on the street is that Matt Carpenter and Brandon Moss both hit 3 run home runs, but you didn’t hear it from me. The less said, the better, you get me?
Okay, work beckons so the next few have to be short.
Oakland 2 – Mariners 1 (Shimmy, shimmy Coco Bop)
Brewers 3 – Astros 2 (Keuchel walks 6!)
Royals – 4 – Twins 3 (10) (Walk-off on wild-pitch)
Angels 3 – Rangers 1 (Dream Weaver, Nomar Mazara with some fireworks. If you don’t know who Mazara is, you will. )
Cleveland – White Sox PPD (These are dirty initials. To a baseball fan, is there a worse sight than PPD?)
NYY – Tigers PPD (Very disappointed. This was to be my Sunday night viewing. Oh well.)
So, what did I miss?