Happy Monday, everybody. What? Does somebody have a case of the Mondays? Well, cheer up because damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.
You know who is gangsta? Jake Arrieta. He had a 32 inning scoreless streak dating back to last season broken by Goldie. His pitching is just ridiculous, but apparently, he now fancies himself a hitter. Okay, so there is this little homer run epidemic right now in MLB and that shit is more contagious than malaria. If you don’t believe the ball is juiced, check this out. Arrieta hit a 440 foot homer. The goddammed pitcher. Now, I know he’s a strong boy. His workouts are the stuff of legend. But that ball got jacked. That is insane. I was looking up data for home run totals of this point last year versus last year. If this keeps up, the National Leaguers are going to really start thinking they’re right, and we can’t have that nonsense. Okay, enough with my nonsense.
Wow, it is a beautiful moon shot. I don’t care who hit it. Just sit there and admire it.
Huge h/t to @longfootlefty for figuring out how to embed MLB videos and teaching the rest of us. Now I can bring y’all beautiful images like that one. You get to be an honorary gangsta too today, Mr. Foot. Or is it Mr. Longlefty? Whatever. Don’t let it get to your head. (I have Gangsta bestowing powers. All Bronx people do.)
The Cubs won the game 4 – 3 over the D’backs and they start the season 5 – 1 on the road. Not too shabby.
You know who else is a gangsta? My boy Trevor Story. Guess what he did? No, no. Not that. Ah, geez, that’s disgusting, you pig. No, man, he hit another home run for his 7th home run in 6 games. Seriously, you disturb sometimes.
My Storybook Love continues! Woot! According to MLB.com: “Rumor has it he made his bat out of a tree felled by lightning in his boyhood home in Texas.”
Instead of Princess Buttercup and the Dread Pirate, it should be Trevor Story and his baseball bat. The Colorado Stories won 6-3 over San Diego.
Story with the most adorable quote ever:
“I feel good hitting pitches right now.”
Yes, indeed you do. Actually he deserves a more bad-ass song than the Princess Bride theme. Sorry about that. Trevor Story made me go soft. Here ya go, Trevor:
Now you are gangsta.
Know who else is gangsta? The Baltimore Orioles. They remain MLB’s sole undefeated team (5 – 0) as they handed my Rays a spanking, 5 – 3, and taking the two game set. Remember when the O’s couldn’t buy a win in Spring Training? Yeah, you can ignore Spring Training stats. 🙂 Bang, bang. The Orioles shot my team down.
Manuel Machado was extra supa dupa gangsta, with 4 hits, and of course, a home run. Corey Dickerson hit one too. You get a home run, and you get a home run, and everybody gets a home run! The Rays attempted a comeback–don’t call it a comeback, seriously don’t–but they fell short. You know why? Because Hank Conger pinch hit with the bases loaded in the 9th inning, and he sucks.
Marco Estrada was gangsta yesterday as he played stopper for the Blue Jays, ending their 4 game skid with a commanding performance over the Red Sox. The final score 3 – 0, Jays. For the Red Sox, knuckleballer and noted wry comedian Steven Wright took the mound. Donaldson went yard. I love the way he finished his swing. Very graceful.
In San Francisco, our gangsta of the day was Brandon Belt (2 for 3 with a 2 run HR) as he lead the Giants over the Dodgers with his thuggish ways, 8-6. Both starting pitchers, Scott Kazmir for the Dodgers and Johnny Cueto for the Giants, looked terrible. Cueto gave up 5 runs to the Dodgers in the first, yet the Dodgers still lost.
Brandon Belt’s boots were made for walking all over the Dodgers.
Also this:
“Posey’s third-inning home run gave the Giants seven consecutive games with homers, breaking the franchise record dating back to 1913. The previous streak was six, in 1948 and 2000.”
Jeremy Hellickson, gangsta? The Phillies took the series from the Mets at Citi Field. I didn’t even know that’s where Hellickson ended up. However, he outdueled the Dark Knight to a tune of 5 – 2, and that makes him pretty gangsta. Beating up Batman, damn. Herrera homers for the Phillies.
The series win gave the Phillies more wins at Citi Field already this season than they amassed all of last year.
Small victories, Phillies phans. Small victories.
The Reds took their series over the Pirates with a walk-off triple from Jay Bruce, making him the Big Pimp.
The final score was 2 – 1. Reds starter Tim Melville was pretty good in his debut, although they limited him to only 4 innings.
Jayson Werth finally broke out of his 0 for the season mini-slump in Washington to break a 1 – 1 tie with a single, and lead the Nats to victory, 4 – 2 over the Feesh. I suppose the gangsta in this game was Joe Ross, who pitched a hell of a game for the Nationals.
St. Louis murdered the Braves, 12 – 7, sweeping the series. The police are looking for witnesses but you know, snitches get stitches, bitches. Gangstas don’t talk. I didn’t see shit, and if you know what is good for you, neither did you. The word on the street is that Matt Carpenter and Brandon Moss both hit 3 run home runs, but you didn’t hear it from me. The less said, the better, you get me?
Okay, work beckons so the next few have to be short.
Oakland 2 – Mariners 1 (Shimmy, shimmy Coco Bop)
Brewers 3 – Astros 2 (Keuchel walks 6!)
Royals – 4 – Twins 3 (10) (Walk-off on wild-pitch)
Angels 3 – Rangers 1 (Dream Weaver, Nomar Mazara with some fireworks. If you don’t know who Mazara is, you will. )
Cleveland – White Sox PPD (These are dirty initials. To a baseball fan, is there a worse sight than PPD?)
NYY – Tigers PPD (Very disappointed. This was to be my Sunday night viewing. Oh well.)
So, what did I miss?
Fan Interference 
All this talk of the ball being juiced and what not, and I’m simply not seeing it with the Gnats, who don’t seem to have found a rhythm yet. Between weather and scheduled off days, they’ve only played four games this season, which is only one more than either the Capitals or Wizards have played during the same time frame. They also had several games rained out during the last week or so of spring training, so baseball here in the DC metroplex has been following a schedule more akin to Little League than MLB lately.
Thankfully (for the fans, anyway) they’re now entering a stretch where they play something like 34 games in 35 days. Dusty’s been saying all along that he’s going to be ensuring regular playing time for the bench/regular rest for his starters, so looking forward to seeing how that plays out in the coming weeks. We got a taste of it yesterday with Clint Robinson starting for Ryan Zimmerman, and “Big Boy” (as Dusty calls him) knocked in a couple runs after Werth’s aforementioned slump buster.
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I don’t know what it is, but the home runs are ridiculous right now. Your team is off.
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I mean, you still have to lay the wood on the ball. 🙂
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The weather’s had something to do with it, I think. As Nats’ color guy F.P. Santangelo noted on a recent telecast, Nats Park plays big when it’s cold and small when it’s hot, and we had snow here on Saturday, so it hasn’t been hot yet. Harper hit one to center on Thursday that he thought was gone (said afterward it would’ve been “ten rows deep in June”) but it died at the track.
Even with the dearth of home runs (only 3 so far) my team’s still 3-1 in the early going, so I can’t complain much.
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ok, sure the weather, but lets tap the breaks on posting FP Santangeo as a science authority,
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Detroit had 30 degree temps, and the ball was popping out of that stadium like popcorn on acid. The last time I saw something like this was the Bash Brother days. I don’t know what it is.
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bash brother days? well, FP knows a little something about that
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I don’t think the players are juicing…
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(i know, just a gag)
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Ooooh, Dream Weaver! I believe you can get me through the niiiiiight!
I’m glad he made it back, honestly.
I think HBPiD may be worse than PPD. Just a little bit. :p
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As far as angels go, he’s OK. but I don’t get him. I am worried he might not last till june
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Oh, I know he won’t. But who else do y’all have?
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they have garrett richards and hope.
really, texas and houston look on paper to be the division leaders, but neither has looked good this week. the Angels have to batters and 7 scrubs. Seattle seems to have 3 batters and scrubs.
My A;s have a very A’s offense and could put together a decent rotation. If they ever field the ball, they have a chance at playing meaningful games. they are currently in first place
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By y’all I meant the Angels. Lol for a second I forgot you’re an A’s man. :p
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A certain little lady named historiophiliac really likes HBPiD. Nobody likes PPD.
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Hehe
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Coco’s home run was pretty. now I may start believing you about the juiced balls.
The A’s Chris Bassitt “matched” king felix for 7 innings. of course he walked 5 (three in one inning) and only struck out 4, but no earned runs! Again, the revamped bullpen did it’s job. a 180 turnaround from last year, its like GM David Forst saw a weakness, developed a plan and executed it. now if we can get the defense to work.
the rockies guy has an awkward home run call. he is in desperate need of an editor.
yay for brandon moss. he is a nice fella.
jose altuve tried to pocket a ball after a chris carter double for a new style hidden ball trick. it didn’t work. why anyone would be so mean to chris carter is beyond me.
thanks again for allowing me to enjoy this with my coffee. don’t stop.
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If you’re going to pull the hidden ball trick on anybody, it’s way funnier to do it to an ex-teammate.
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forgot to mention the giants. what is up with the charmed weekend series? a minor meltdown away from a sweep. those two high spending teams are on a danger course. Every team in the NL west looks like garbage. (AL west too, so maybe there is hope for the A’s)
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Great musical selection today. I love that song even if I don’t feel entirely comfortable singing it unless I have all the shades closed and headphones on. Also, sweet Princess Bride reference. Love that damn movie. I remember watching it when I was just a wee lad running around with my nerf sword yelling “You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
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The daily music choices are always outstanding.
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Thank you, sir. As we said yesterday, music is one of a great passions. Thank you, dad. I regret there are only 24 hours in a day and I only have one pair of ears. I want to listen to everything.
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The O’s may be 5-0, but they have to face David Price in Boston today in a rare Monday day game. After Saturday’s rain out, I think MLB may not want me actually watching their games this season.
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The Feesh boolpen did what it’s been doing since the starter pistol backfired on opening day: coughed up a game. Chris Narverson came into a 1-1 tie in the seventh in relief of Tom Koehler and promptly allowed the inherited go-ahead runner to score, then added a walk to put two on base for his successor, Edwin Jackson (whom I would like to call the “forgotten man” but of whom “repressed man” might be a more accurate description), to squire home.
Christian Yelich hit a solo home run in the ninth and then graced the clubhouse postmortem with something he must have heard from Crash Davis on one of his bus rides in AA ball: that the Feesh never give up, that the theme of their wimpestuous 1-4 record (and that’s with the benefit of a day orf and a rainout) was to keep on battling to the end, even to the extent of clubbing a statistically meaningless dingdonger while the rest of his teammates were already preparing themselves for the trip to New Amsterdam (“Very deep,” wrote Thomas Mann, “is the well of the past”) where, no doubt duly inspired by Yelich’s “never say die” peroration, they are planning to go up there and wampum.
Marcell Ozuna, who had a hot spring, went 0-4 with two airbats and is now batting a wretched .111 in what might justifiably be described as the two-hole. Black hole might be more like it. One (several, ackcherley) wonders how long Jar Jar Baseball is going to leave him there to handicap the first, fourth and seventh inning offense.
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O.G., I know this probably isn’t your kind of music normally, but la Cubana bonita con mucho talento de Miami, Kat Dahlia–I posted her with you in mind. She is fantastic, one of the best young talents around. Home grown. The visuals of the video are fantastic too. The kids, they are alright. Give her whiskey tinged voice and wisdom beyond her years a chance.
You say you a gangsta, that don’t impress me none
You say you a gangsta, ain’t seen a thing you done
I do it all on myself, I ain’t getting help
From no one, from no one
Yeah I’m young, 21, living in a crazy world
But I know the difference between a man and a herb
You fronting like you got it, claim they hitting on your wallet
Gucci telling you the time and you watch it,
Now I ain’t stunting like my daddy, he’s living with my grammie
Used to be a big baller, he’s surviving off of gambling
But I love him, he’s my daddy, yeah I love him he’s my daddy
Put him in a big house, before I ever see a Grammy
And my mommy started working days at the church
Finding faith in God ’cause the real world hurts
So much evil lurks, they just make us a work
But we can’t find a work
Abuela, mami, and the girls, in a one bedroom
South beach lifestyle, they just paying for the view
Mommy on the couch, since she was 42
Sacrificing for the kids, ’cause that’s what mommy’s do
So I smoke my spliff, I spliff it hard
Candy says to stop my voice is getting too harsh
So I sobered up, and my thoughts they rush
And now I think of you behind bars
Cross state lines, they spliffin’ good
In Miami you catch a charge
And the whole family tears apart
You say you a gangsta, that don’t impress me none
You say you a gangsta, ain’t seen a thing you done
I do it all on myself, I ain’t getting help
From no one, from no one
You say you a gangsta, that don’t impress me none
You say you a gangsta, ain’t seen a thing you done
I do it all on myself, I ain’t getting help
From no one, from no one
And this recession’s so depressing
My parents don’t stop stressing
Just hoping I learned all their lessons
And I’m paying for this session
I’m paying for this session
And I’m paying rent, food, clothes, phone, Christmas presents
6 shots in, I’m just counting all my blessings
No days off baby I ain’t resting
I told my sins, now I’m done confessing
You say you a gangsta, but that don’t impress me none
You say you a gangsta, ain’t seen a thing you done
I do it all on myself, I ain’t getting help
From no one, from no one
You say you a gangsta, but that don’t impress me none
You say you a gangsta, ain’t seen a thing you done
I do it all on myself, I ain’t getting help
From no one, from no one
On way to the top, I make with what I got
You want my number baby, I’m on a mission, catch up
Men selling love like thieves
But when the girlie leaves, he’ll start flirting with me
So I took my heart off my sleeve
Never trust a man ’cause they all hungry
Yeah they all hungry
Never trust a man ’cause they all hungry
Right when you thought you had me
Baby you just lost someone
Finally got over you, baby time to move on
Never learned your lesson, ain’t even gonna question
Why it went so wrong
Right when you thought you had me
Baby you just lost someone
Finally got over you, baby time to move on
Never learned your lesson, ain’t even gonna question
Why it went so wrong
You say you a gangsta, that don’t impress me none
You say you a gangsta, ain’t seen a thing
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Some Jays’ fans are also gangsta. Check out the dude in the background of Pablo Sandoval’s last at bat, when he strikes out to end the game. He has a spare belt for the Fat Panda… a really long belt. LMAO
(hopefully this will embed properly)
https://vine.co/v/iTJDi1xgnA5/embed/simple
https://platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js
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I saw that!
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It’s not Mr. It’s Dr. Dr. Lefty will be fine.
And I’ve noticed something about this article….it ain’t nothing but a gangsta party.
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Awww yeah. Throw ’em up, throw ’em up!
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I didn’t know you were a doctor. Why didn’t you say so? You know what doctors and nurses are supposed to do, right?
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You missed Hirschbeck getting hit in the nuts by a foul ball. Must have hurt, a few innings later he hit Sano with a quick ejection.
The Twins lost in a very Twinsian way. First the Royals clobber most everything the Lakeville Kid throws to tie the game in the ninth. May comes in for the 10th and actually pitches pretty well but walks the first hitter on four pitches, moves him over to third with an errant pick off attempt, and brings him home by bouncing a pitch twenty feet in front of the plate and that was after he managed to get two outs with the runner on third. I’m sure the Royals are more than happy to extend to the Twins their hospitality as often as the Twins might care to enjoy it.
BTW, whoever has Jepson on their team should be feeling good. Perkins has stunk in his first two appearances and can’t seem to throw any harder than the low nineties. Meanwhile Jepson was touching 95 – 96 in the eighth. WTF, I thought he was a crafty high mileage journeyman beginning the final couple of years of his career.
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they know there is no bonus draft pick for losing 140 games, yeah?
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Lots better then that. We got maybe better then 3 or four #3 starters coming out of our butt and sooner or later somebody will start hitting, We’ll hope to stay somewhere around 5 hundred until the rest of you start wondering, what the hell is going on up there?
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