So, What Did I Miss? (4/9/16)


“Aw, shucks. Those balls just keep flying off my bat.”

What is the Trevor Story, indeed, morning glory?


“Story went 3-for-5 with another pair of home runs and four RBI in a losing cause against the Padres on Friday night.”

Wow. Twenty three year old Trevor Story of the Colorado Rockies continues his quest for global domination with his unbelievable home run orgy, and I will continue with the awful puns. If you want me me to stop, you’re going to have ask that baby faced wunderkind to stop. He started it! This is just unreal. We need permission to breath his air.  I hope he’s enjoying a champagne supernova. He deserves one. Go literally soak in some Moet & Chandon, son. He himself is a Champagne Supernova.

Let’s look at his stoopid April stats. Someone pointed out his .ISO to me, and looking at his .ISO with 14 at bats is as meaningful as me telling you that there is a life-sized purple unicorn wearing a thong playing bongos in my living room right now (I probably should not have done that hit of acid in college; flashbacks are a bitch) but let’s look at his ISO anyway because it so ridiculous: .857. .857?!?!?!?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHA, ROFL, LMAO. GTFO!!! In-con-cei-va-ble!! That number is just so stupid dumb for ISO. Also, get out of my house, unicorn. I hate unicorns. They really think they are all that–conceited bitches.

Anyhow, I’ll keep telling you his (West Side) Story because he is Baseball. His slugging is 1.143. Of course it is. It may as well be an infinity symbol. His batting average is .286 as is his OBP. So, there are two outcomes when he comes up: Home Run or GTFO? Someone needs to reprogram Trevor Story. Does anyone know C++? Mine is very rusty. I doubt he was programmed in AWK. At his current pace, he will hit 243 home runs. Grok that, bitches.

Yeah, this is his world, and we’re all living in it. Get irresponsibly excited about him and read this Fangraphs article. Yes, I know he is going to have an inevitable crash as big league pitchers adjust to him and the youngster fails to catch up because that is baseball and life–a series of highs and lows, ups and downs–but Oh. My. Goodness. If you are not enjoying this Trevor Story, I almost feel sorry for you. Remember, guys, this is a SHORTSTOP doing this. Can the Rockies just cut Jose Reyes now? And by cut, I mean shank him? You can take the girl out of the Bronx…

The following video needs to be remade, but instead of Michael Jackson being worshiped in HiSTORY, imagine Trevor Story. Actually, I like to only think of Michael Jackson with the Jackson 5, as an otherworldly infinitely talented innocent child (I Want You Back, ABC etc.) because children are wonderful before we adults destroy them–as Jackson himself then destroyed other children. It’s the real circle of life. This video is pretty good though. Bow before his highness, Trevor Story.

Wow, that took a dark turn. My coffee is stronger than Trevor Story, sorry about that. Let’s move along. There are 28 other baseball teams and at this pace, I will be done with this by noon and I have a lot of packing to do. The Rockies lost to the Padres 13-6, by the way, but who cares. Trevor Story is the Story. He deserves Odysseyan odes written about him.

The fackin’ Red Sox came back to win one from the Jays. It was the freebie game yesterday on the MLB Network. My boys were doing dumb things versus the O’s so I switched to this game for a few minutes. The Jays had the game, and then I apparently jinxed Stroman with my eyes too because the next time I checked, 8 – 7 Red Sox was the final. Brock Holt, who sounds like a spy in an Ian Fleming novel, hit a grand slam. Craig Eagle Arms Kimbrel got the save.

Chris Archer looked uncharacteristically awful again versus the Orioles in the Rays’ 6 – 1 loss. The Orioles are 4 – 0. The Best Slider in Baseball was not um, sliding? It wasn’t working. One more start like this for Arch, and there may be some questions. The Orioles just had their way with him. Quien es su papa? Fortunately, everyone knows that April games count less than September ones. It is a mathematical fact; I did the math. As I told scout, they are worth 3/5ths of a normal game, so I am not worried at all. Oh, that whiskey I drank last night? Totally medicinal because:

Baltimore got on the board with Chris Davis‘ solo shot in the second inning off Rays starter Chris Archer. Archer gave up a blast in the fifth to Jonathan Schoop, and two outs later,Nolan Reimold and Manny Machado went deep back-to-back. Matt Wieters also drove in a pair of runs off Archer, who lasted five innings.

The Orioles can really hit, eh? They have me speaking Canadian. Jonathan Schoop, you earned this:

You make Baltimore wanna Schoop. Don’t know how you do the voodoo that you do.

Jake deGrom and his pretty, pretty hair defeated the Phillies, 7 – 2, in their home opener. Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty, mighty good man. He gives me goosepimples with every single pitch… Sadly though, he did leave the game after 6 very good innings as a medical precaution due to a right lat injury. Motherf*cker!!! Schwarber two nights ago, deGrom last night. Stop hurting yourselves, guys. These guys really need a nurse. Fortunately, you know one. FYI:

“Walker has driven in at least one run in all three of the Mets’ games. He was responsible for five of the Mets’ first eight RBIs this season.”

Would you believe if I told you that after the scoring explosions that both the Yankees and Cubs have been on since the beginning of the season, both teams were relatively quiet last night? Would you? You should.

So I made a big mistake (oh, that Starlin Castro story, lol, wow, that was dumb of me), but try to see it once my way. I’ve been fact checking everything now, like thrice over. If I would, could you?

The Yankees were blankety-blanked-blanked by the Tiger’s should be #1 starter, Jordan Zimmerman, 4-0 in Detroit. That is if the Tigers had a clue, but thanks to fragile egos, he is #3. He is really their best pitcher. He allowed two hits last night to Ellbury and Tex. The Yankees didn’t even put a runner in scoring position against him until his 7th and final inning. Miggy went boom for the first time this season. Nick Castellanos got 4 hits last night, all singles, and made a nice catch. Click the link to check it out. Anytime the Yankees get blanked, it is like heaven beside you.

Poor Cubbies. The news on Warbird’s left knee is not good–he is out for the season with a torn ACL–and they had a rough night last night against Arizona, who handed them their first loss of the season: 3 – 2. Remember though, things will get better.

The game featured Arizona turning a 3-2-5-2-6-9 double play. Wuuuut? TOOTBLAN alert. I saw it live, and yeah. It was a run down at third, and both dumb asses got themselves thrown out. Go check it out yourself. You have to tighten that up, young’uns. I was surprised the D’backs were able to win last night after the thrashing the Cubs gave them on Thursday. The Cubs thoroughly depleted their pen, but baseball. You have to love it, until you hate it. Because you love it.  🙂 Yasmany Tomas singled home pinch runner Chris Owings in the 9th for the gritty ones with the winning run at Chase Field.

Lord, I am never going to finish this.

St. Louis finally won a game! Good for you, sweetheart! You beat the Braves 7-4. Well, you are supposed to beat the Braves so I don’t know how much credit to give you. The game was significant because there were three pinch hit home runs in the game by the Red Birds, a new MLB record. Aledmys Diaz, Jeremy Hazelbaker, and Greg Garcia were the culprits. They sound like names of guys in my high school home room class.

Matheny: “We talked kind of going through the winter about our bench and how there was a little more thump. I don’t think those were the three guys we were talking about, though.”

It’s not often I agree with Mike Matheny.

Okay, let’s wrap this shit up. I need an editor. Or Ritalin. Both. Definitely.

I haven’t given Oakland, my kindred team, much time, so let me not shortchange them today. They were in Seattle. By the way, Seattle is one of my stops this year on my MLB ballpark tour. My goal is to visit all 30 stadiums before I die and ER nurses know how quickly life can change. My best friend since childhood–we were 11 years old when we met, and I love this girl with all my heart–lives in Seattle, and I have not visited her yet. I am going in July to see her when Houston is in town. I am hoping for a Keuchel – King Felix match-up. Safeco will be another notch on my belt. I will also see Wrigley Field (Squeeeee! I want to replicate Bueller’s Day Off but more alcohol!) and… Busch Stadium this year. Yes. The Belly of the Beast, the Best Fans in Baseball, My Childhood Nemesis, the Land of Musial. I am coming for you. I will also try for Citi Field, but that one might wait until next year. New York City has a lot of ghosts.

Anyhow, Chris Coghlan hit his first HR as a Athletic as they won 3-2 over the Mariners. Boy, I really like those road unis. That script Oakland is so nice and green is my favorite color. Taijuan Walker pitched well — two runs on 7 hits — but it wasn’t enough. No run support. The story of my life. This sums things up:

“A’s left-hander Eric Surkamp, called up from Triple-A to fill in for injured starter Felix Doubront, allowed two runs on four hits over 4 2/3 innings in his first Major League appearance since 2013. Ryan Madson notched the save for Oakland, his second this season.”

The rest of this recap will be short. The sun has risen, and I have children to attend to. Mommy duty calls.

Cleveland 7 – White Sox 1. There was snow falling. I am not a big fan of snow unless I am going skiing or tubing, but this is pretty:


Pittsburgh 6 – Reds 5. The burg is 4-0 to start the season, and they are really, really good you guys. I keep telling you this. Very easy team to like. Starling Marte hit his first grand slam.

San Francisco 3 – Dodgers 2 (10). Is this one of those years that the Giants win the World Series? Is it even years or odd years? Rookie pitcher Ross Stripling for the Dodgers in his debut took a no-no into the 8th. Walks were his kryptonite.

Rangers 7 – Angels 3. Griffin makes a nice first start after TJ surgery.

Royals 4 – Twins 3. The Twins are 0-4. Remember @happytwinsfan, things are gonna get easier, oooh, child, things’ll get brighter, some day, yeah, we’ll walk in the rays of the beautiful sun. 🙂 It’s April. It’s early.

Brewers 6 – Astros 4. Gennett, Braun, and Chris Carter went yard. Remember stex, things are gonna get easier, oooh, child, things’ll get brighter.. 🙂

So, what did I miss? And holy canoli, don’t ever let me make coffee this strong again. My hands are almost shaking!





43 thoughts on “So, What Did I Miss? (4/9/16)

  1. First of all, I approve of any article on this site that includes an Oasis video. ❤ My favorite song of all time is an Oasis song. The song I’m having played at my next wedding is an Oasis song, the song I’m playing at my funeral is an Oasis song. Please note, not all the same song. So yeah. And RIP Layne Staley.

    Even years – Giants. Odd years – Cardinals. Last year the Cubbies broke that streak, let’s believe in it again.

    Yeah, the Cards works their goldanged Devil Magic again last night. The Braves were actually winning. I mean, against all odds, they were beating the Birds on the Bat. Wisler wasn’t pitching like crap. The Cards dropped an easy, EASY out that allowed a Braves run to score. Before I knew it, the score was 4-0 Braves and there was much rejoicing and disbelief in the House of Prof.

    But, y’all know. Barves gon’ Barve.

    I have players I like even though I know they are dreadful. Mostly it’s memories. Like, I’m happy that Frenchy is back even though I am convinced that he should have retired about five years ago. I was also happy that Eric O’Flaherty was back, mostly because it reminds me of a three headed monster that USED to be awesome. Oh my heart. O’Ventbrel. Only Kimbrel survives to fight another day.

    Anyway. Where am I going with this? When I noticed that O’Flaherty was heading out to pitch, I knew it was over. And I was right. Then I quipped that “when I see EOF head to the mound, I, too, usually end up saying “Eeeeeee. Oh, eff!”

    But that Orioles game was good, and so was the Brewers game. My boy Scoots. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lol that’s funny. I considered my one and only wedding my funeral. I felt like I died that day. I am never getting married again. Never. 🙂

      Yes, RIP Layne. I love me some AIC.

      I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now. This song gives me goosebumps.

      Liked by 3 people

      • That’s it, my favorite song of all time. If you’re a cute guy and you want to woo me, please play me “Wonderwall” and very sincerely sing the lyrics “And all the roads we have to walk are winding, and all the lights that lead us there are blinding, there are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know how.” Because i will become putty in your (hopefully warm and slightly large) hands.


        • Yes, this song gives me all the feels too. I don’t know if I could pick one favorite song, but it is definitely one that sends tingles throughout my entire body. It is a gorgeous song, and I am not the love song type. Most love songs make me want to vomit. Sentimental tripe.

          Backbeat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out.

          I said maybe.

          Liked by 1 person

        • I like love songs, but I’m a sappy dork, too. But my favorite love songs are ones that are very simple, not too flowery or showy. Ones that actually mean something, that show something real.

          Another favorite love song? “To Make You Feel My Love” – but I prefer the Garth Brooks version above all the rest. It feels more heartfelt and real to me, IDK.


  2. OBP of 286? pass.

    oh, dave roberts, that was instant karma right there (I know karma is neither good or bad, it can just be created and destroyed).

    what the hell blue jays? we come to bury boston

    Angels losing is always nice.

    i love green. I think I would prefer kelly to the A’s main forest. but the lettering on the road greys looks closer to kelly than the home whites. Sonny gray used to only choose the Fort Knox Gold ™ or the road greys for his starts because of his name. now he picks the alt green softball tops every once in a while, which blows.

    when planning a trip to OAK/SF there is usually one day every year where a double header is possible, day game in SF, night in OAK. totally doable. hit me up. (as if you’ll remember in 2 years when you do that one)

    is that dan otero in cleveland? it is. he seems nice. Way to blow the wild card game dan, I guess a 6 run lead is safe. You were just mad because they traded your bestie Yoenis Sexypants. He actually seemed nice. I am not mad.

    My boys are rained out today, which makes my day a little easier. I should run or something

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lost in the Brock Holt grand salami was the fact that Josh Donaldson hit one earlier in the game to give the Jays a seemingly comfortable looking 7-2 lead. Also, a very close call for Kevin Pillar, as a Joe Kelly pitch got away high and tight and hit him in the bill of his batting helmet. Pretty scary… had the pitch been a couple inches lower, it would have got him right in the face a la Giancarlo Stanton.

    In a nice ceremony before the game, 2015 AL MVP Josh Donaldson was presented his MVP trophy by 1987 AL MVP George Bell.

    This afternoon, it’s Biggeth Dicketh vs the Pork Cello.


      • This image of the Judean People’s Liberation Front (or was it the People’s Front for the Liberation of Judea? The Ad Hoc Front for Judean Liberation? Or perhaps the provisional wing of the People’s Judean Liberation Front?) was made just before they inscribed a papyrus showing each one of them biting the head orf a chicken:

        Here’s the image they sent to Biggeth Dicketh to make sure he got the message. Hay-soooos, I can’t believe they actually ran this on RENBC:


  4. can we talk about this?

    [mlbvideo id="580060583" width="400" height="224" /]

    i don’t know it was rightly decided. i don’t think that hippie was trying to take out the shortstop, which is the reason for the rule, yeah?


      • having watched it some more, colby rasmus seemed to kick his leg up and out toward [villar’s?] back leg. that may be the culprit. that seems like a good hook (get it) for the rule, but still, there was no attempt for a throw, or even one contemplated

        Liked by 1 person

        • Most of the new rule has nothing to do with the defender and everything to do with runners behaving as runners are supposed to behave. The job of the runner was never supposed to be to interfere with the defense in any way….indeed, multiple rules have been ignored for decades due to a slow creep of allowed interference.

          The fact that people think a guy that is already out should be allowed to interfere with the defense is just crazy.

          So….act like a runner, whose entire job is to try to run the bases and be safe….so if you slide, slide at the bag, before the bad, and stay on the bag….you know, like a guy trying to be safe. Act not like a runner and pay the price. This is really easy, only made hard by people being willfully stupid with the excuse “but we’ve been doing it this stupid way for a long time”.

          Liked by 1 person

        • sure, that makes sense.

          To my naked eye, i didn’t see anything wrong. like those guys that slide 10 ffet from the base on double plays.

          I didn’t see the leg sweep of Villar.

          But my secondary point, that it had no effect on the play still puzzles me. Like on obstruction, the runner must make an attempt to advance to the next base.* otherwise its not called

          *the 2003 World series champion A’s sweep the sox had tejada continued to home after the third baseperson tackled him. god what an infuriating series.


        • I agree that there should be an amendment that states that an attempt must be made to make a play at 1st…but I think all that would do is add more judgement…was the defender prevented from making such a play by an illegal slide? What if the guy just flips the ball toward 1B even though the runner has already crossed the 1B bag and there was no chance for an out (likely as was the case here).

          Easier to just tell runners to be runners and not defense interferers or there will be outs.

          Aside from the toughness of the call because of context…holy crap what a lazy stupid slide by Rasmus. I think this is just a symptom of why he never achieved the greatness scouts saw in him…he’s kinda stupid and generally oblivious.


      • I could be wrong (I am wrong alot)…but I thought the intent and/or spirit of the rule was to prevent unnecessary contact/injuries by forcing the runner to stay in the base path and slide to the base. Rasmus’ slide was half-assed at best. He was sliding somewhere towards shallow left centerfield. Waay off to the right side of the bag. A bag he couldn’t reach. Making matters worse…they were only concerned about the force out. In my opinion, had Rasmus slid to the bag the Astros would have still been in the inning with a chance to complete their comeback.


  5. For the record, Zimmermann was slotted third so he could be the home opener. Brad moves them around. It’s not always a status thing.


  6. i just checked the schedule.

    boy do the schedule makers hate the A’s so much. there are 4 series where the a’s and giants are in town at the same time. I accept that there are more giants fans, and that is mostly the fault of the A’s, but come on, MLB, this is your brand, it would make you more money to have the A’s do well with butts in the seats

    the only possible trransbay double header is may 21 and 22 a’s at 105 both days, Giants at 405, then 505.

    the saturday game is tight, might miss an inning or 2, but the second one should be enough time.

    its a quick BART trip, but you have to walk about 2 miles to get to ATT, so save the heavy drinking for the evening. I recommend a flask wrapped in a heavy blanket.


Join in on the conversation!

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s