So, What Did I Miss? (4/7/16)

I am never going to sleep again. Motherhood, babies in their infancy and overnight nursing shifts in the ER prepared me for this, so let’s do this!

Bring back the brown!

Last night, I watched the San Diego Padres Cashner and his disgusting Duck Dynasty beard take on the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Kenta Maeda. Maeda hit a home run on a pity pitch, and baseball purists are overjoyed. 😉 (cough, prof, cough) Seriously, that pitch was grooved right down the middle of the plate and Cashner should be shot for it. I was far more impressed with Maeda’s actual job–pitching. He was fantastic and he has a new fan in me. The Dodgers won 7-0, becoming the second team in MLB history to open the season with three consecutive shut-outs. National League, you are on notice. Oh, and Matt Kemp is alive! There was an official Matt Kemp sighting. Oh, and San Diego, those unis. Ugh. Stop, please. I get you’re a military town, and seriously, I do not begrudge the people of our military–I respect your service –but those camo things are so ugly. You stay classy, San Diego.

The homers are flying out all over the place. If this keeps up, I am going to believe the Chaco Chicken Hypothesis. He’s pretty smart as far as chickens go. Chris Carter of the Brewers went BOOM and the Brewers won 4-3 over the San Francisco Giants, fulfilling Jonathan Lucroy’s promise:

“We’re going to win some games,” Lucroy said on Opening Day, referring to outsiders’ low expectations. “We’re not going to go 0-162.”

Jonathan Lucroy is pretty smart too. Anyhow, Samardjizajizajiza pitched for the Giants, and Jungmann went for the Brewers. Apparently, both pitchers struggled early, and the ‘pens decided this match-up.

Please tell me a bedtime story.

HiSTORY, right? Trevor Story continues to make people write shitty puns all over the internet with that ridiculousness he is pulling in Arizona for the Colorado Rockies.

“Story became the first player in the modern era (since 1900) to homer in his first three games, a total of four times.”

Bow before him, dammit! Colorado takes it 4-3 over the D-backs.

My job does not understand my priorities and forced me to work while my boys played baseball. Actually, they do. My British boss gives me days off so I can watch baseball. She’s fantastic.  Anyhow, I checked scores on my At Bat app for myself and one of one of my docs, Dr. Z, in between patients. 3-0 Jays on a Josh Donaldson monster 3 run shot, who later left the game with an apparent calf strain. If you know anything about the Rays, you may as well ask them to solve Riemann’s hypothesis rather than overcome a 3 run lead. That’s likelier to happen–our offense is typically that poopy. I believe in miracles though. When I checked my app one more time, and saw the good guys (except for that asshole Logan Morrison) had taken a 5-3 lead, I squealed, jumped, and high-fived any co-worker within arm reach because yay! and John Gibbons is still an ass. Matt Moore and J.A. Happ were the starting pitchers of record. Steven Souza had a nice game, hitting his own 3 run shot in the 8th. The Rays and Jays split the 4 game series, with the Rays taking the final two of the set–“a quality split”, as baby faced manager Kevin Cash put it, with two come from behind victories, the tastiest kind to me.

The Yankees went on a scoring offensive, which is offensive (Is objectivity a requirement for doing these things? ;-)), but hey, c’est la vie. 16 – 6 versus Los Astros. Don’t worry baby Astros. Momma said there would be days like this. The Yankees don’t get style points, and it only counts as one loss. You gotta get that dirt that off your shoulder, go on, brush it off:

Starlin Castro and Mark Teixeira each hit three run blasts. George Springer hit his first career grand slam in the losing effort. Correa also went yard in the home run derby. I’m telling ya, the Chaco Chicken Hypothesis. It was like what? 10 degrees there last night? Something doesn’t seem right. I’m not even going to tell you who the pitchers because, really, someone pitched? H to the O-V.

Cleveland managed to hold on to beat the Red Sox 7-6. The team that shall remain nameless had a lead, and they squandered it, much to my chagrin. The Red Sox mounted a comeback on the strength of Big Papi’s mighty bat. Mike Napoli, vexing his former team, also hit his own homer (are you sensing a theme, because I sure am). Carlos Santana also hit a 3 run blast for the Land of Cleves–a 418 foot shot to center.

The Revenge of Saltalamacchia. This is one of my favorite baseball last names. That name is just fun to say–“jump the bush”, it means literally. I love last names that take up the back of the entire jersey. Anyhow, that happened in Miami last night as Detroit powered over Old Gator’s Feesh. This was unexpected because one simply does not defeat Jose Fernandez at home. Fernandez struck out 13 in the uncharacteristic home loss. Anibal Sanchez, one of my favorite pitchers ever, took the hill for los Tigeritos. Sanchez actually looks like he is having fun when he plays, much like the young Joselito. I like fun.

Janelle Monae is a goddess.

I truly don’t mean to shortchange the other teams, but I do have to start getting ready for work. My dream would be to sit here all day–with a brief break to go work-out–watching baseball and writing about it, but Momma has mouths to feed and bills to pay:

I’m sorry, Ms. Jackson. I am for real. 🙂 Never meant to make your daughter cry by not writing more detailed recaps for the rest of the teams.

Mariners 9 – Rangers 5 (Cano goes yard x 2, Leonys  Martin 3 for 5)

Pirates 5 – Cardinals 1 (Sweep, sweep, sweep! When is the last time the Red Birds got swept to start the season? Anyone? Anyone? Nicasio was wonderful.)

Baltimore 4 – Twins 2 (My kitty cat’s namesake Crush went boom! My cat is orange and white, strong, and crazy, just like Chris Davis. Gallardo debuts.)

Nationals 3 – Braves 1 (Strasburg with the win, Fan-Interference Official Mascot Papelbon with the save.)

A’s 2 – White Sox 1 (The Gray Sun picked up a win out in the land of Oaks.)

Reds 3 – Phillies 2 (Schleber walk-off)

So, please tell me, what did I miss?


32 thoughts on “So, What Did I Miss? (4/7/16)

  1. No word on whether Sheriff McCann had anything to say to young Starlin after he pimped the shit out of his home run (with Carlos Gomez on the other side, no less).

    I, for one, am thoroughly enjoying the freakout from The Best Fans In Baseball(TM) over them rooting for The Worst Team In Baseball(TM). 🙂

    Oh, and people in the Navy hate having to wear the aquaflage. It’s not honoring them when they see the Padres wearing it, too.

    Liked by 3 people

        1. We fought wars for the right to bastardize it, thank you very much. If the Brits wanted to keep meaningless u’s in the language they shouldn’t have rolled over and played dead at Yorktown.


  2. The Astros’ emphasis on pitchers with the soft curve got them last night. It was cold and windy and the ump was squeezing the strike zone. Nobody could hit his zone, and the Yankees could sit fastball. Over the course of the season I will take the odds on any game the Astros score six. But last night was just one of those, per Indy.

    Nice show, Starlin. We’ll check out your dance in August when you’re back to that .670 OPS and the fielding errors have stacked up.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love chris carter.

    regarding your job, i was in a trial for the last game of the year in 2012 when the A’s won the west unexpectedly. during a break the cop that I was cross examining and I hovered over my at bat app. i have my phone on vibrate so if my investigator calls or something I can respond. my phone was blowing up all day with people texiting me. it was a weird day

    i listened to some of the clevland’s game. I like the radio guy gets so excited

    as for the A’s, dallas worked the game for ESPN and went out to right field. those guys are legit. they are at every game. nice to see them get recognition.

    also, the A’s bullpen, they have pitched 14 innings and given up a single run. I don’t think they have walked anyone either.


    1. Tom Hamilton, the Radio Maestro extraordinaire for Cleveland, is a national treasure, and my neighbor a few blocks over.


  4. Twitter is fun. Cards fans’ disappointment is bleeding over into other fanbases. A few of them have been bothering some of my Braves fan friends. “Yeah? Well, your team still sucks! You have no right to talk about the Cardinals!” To which my friends replied, “We know they suck. But we’re supposed to. What’s your excuse?”

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Sad Cardinals fans being sad make me happy. Schadenfreude with breakfast is delicious.

      Don’t sleep on the Pirates, Cub fans. They don’t get the press, but the McCutchens are locked and loaded too.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. The NL Central should be a lot of fun to watch again this year. 🙂

          My last patient of the day was originally from Chicago, a Cubs fan. Older gentleman. We had the best chat. Heh, he said I know his team better than he does.


  5. A cool, damp night in Forest City proved that the balls are all Capri Sunned this year. 5 homers that carried an officially estimated 4 total rows into the stands; all of which seemed like warning track dying quails off the bat. Mt. Vesuvius is quickly becoming my favorite Cleveland pick-up since the dreaded Swish-monster. And we all know how that ended up. Swirling wind made for an eeeenteresting day in the outfield for both sides, with Little League jump and grabs abounding.

    The ballad of Jose (the Ramirez kind) has begun to be written in the damp, gray annals of Cleveland lore. The little guy looks completely different than his overmatched start to the previous season. He looks like he belongs–with both the bat and the glove. Man can play 6 positions (hell, 7 if the team wanted to waste him at 1b) and may be the closest thing to Ben Zobrist since Brock Holt.

    Since “the man with no name” is already taken, this fan is looking for suggestions on possible names for the Cleveland outfield. On some days, in homage to the cataclysm coming this July in our fair city, we can break out the RNC (Ramirez, Naquin, Cowgill); but hopefully not too often.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Suggestion: add date in parentheses for each “What did I Miss?”. That way it’s easy to find going through archives for specific day just going by title.

    e.g. What did I miss? (4/7/2016)

    Just a thought!


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