I am never going to sleep again. Motherhood, babies in their infancy and overnight nursing shifts in the ER prepared me for this, so let’s do this!
Last night, I watched the San Diego Padres Cashner and his disgusting Duck Dynasty beard take on the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Kenta Maeda. Maeda hit a home run on a pity pitch, and baseball purists are overjoyed. 😉 (cough, prof, cough) Seriously, that pitch was grooved right down the middle of the plate and Cashner should be shot for it. I was far more impressed with Maeda’s actual job–pitching. He was fantastic and he has a new fan in me. The Dodgers won 7-0, becoming the second team in MLB history to open the season with three consecutive shut-outs. National League, you are on notice. Oh, and Matt Kemp is alive! There was an official Matt Kemp sighting. Oh, and San Diego, those unis. Ugh. Stop, please. I get you’re a military town, and seriously, I do not begrudge the people of our military–I respect your service –but those camo things are so ugly. You stay classy, San Diego.
The homers are flying out all over the place. If this keeps up, I am going to believe the Chaco Chicken Hypothesis. He’s pretty smart as far as chickens go. Chris Carter of the Brewers went BOOM and the Brewers won 4-3 over the San Francisco Giants, fulfilling Jonathan Lucroy’s promise:
“We’re going to win some games,” Lucroy said on Opening Day, referring to outsiders’ low expectations. “We’re not going to go 0-162.”
Jonathan Lucroy is pretty smart too. Anyhow, Samardjizajizajiza pitched for the Giants, and Jungmann went for the Brewers. Apparently, both pitchers struggled early, and the ‘pens decided this match-up.
“Story became the first player in the modern era (since 1900) to homer in his first three games, a total of four times.”
Bow before him, dammit! Colorado takes it 4-3 over the D-backs.
My job does not understand my priorities and forced me to work while my boys played baseball. Actually, they do. My British boss gives me days off so I can watch baseball. She’s fantastic. Anyhow, I checked scores on my At Bat app for myself and one of one of my docs, Dr. Z, in between patients. 3-0 Jays on a Josh Donaldson monster 3 run shot, who later left the game with an apparent calf strain. If you know anything about the Rays, you may as well ask them to solve Riemann’s hypothesis rather than overcome a 3 run lead. That’s likelier to happen–our offense is typically that poopy. I believe in miracles though. When I checked my app one more time, and saw the good guys (except for that asshole Logan Morrison) had taken a 5-3 lead, I squealed, jumped, and high-fived any co-worker within arm reach because yay! and John Gibbons is still an ass. Matt Moore and J.A. Happ were the starting pitchers of record. Steven Souza had a nice game, hitting his own 3 run shot in the 8th. The Rays and Jays split the 4 game series, with the Rays taking the final two of the set–“a quality split”, as baby faced manager Kevin Cash put it, with two come from behind victories, the tastiest kind to me.
The Yankees went on a scoring offensive, which is offensive (Is objectivity a requirement for doing these things? ;-)), but hey, c’est la vie. 16 – 6 versus Los Astros. Don’t worry baby Astros. Momma said there would be days like this. The Yankees don’t get style points, and it only counts as one loss. You gotta get that dirt that off your shoulder, go on, brush it off:
Starlin Castro and Mark Teixeira each hit three run blasts. George Springer hit his first career grand slam in the losing effort. Correa also went yard in the home run derby. I’m telling ya, the Chaco Chicken Hypothesis. It was like what? 10 degrees there last night? Something doesn’t seem right. I’m not even going to tell you who the pitchers because, really, someone pitched? H to the O-V.
Cleveland managed to hold on to beat the Red Sox 7-6. The team that shall remain nameless had a lead, and they squandered it, much to my chagrin. The Red Sox mounted a comeback on the strength of Big Papi’s mighty bat. Mike Napoli, vexing his former team, also hit his own homer (are you sensing a theme, because I sure am). Carlos Santana also hit a 3 run blast for the Land of Cleves–a 418 foot shot to center.
The Revenge of Saltalamacchia. This is one of my favorite baseball last names. That name is just fun to say–“jump the bush”, it means literally. I love last names that take up the back of the entire jersey. Anyhow, that happened in Miami last night as Detroit powered over Old Gator’s Feesh. This was unexpected because one simply does not defeat Jose Fernandez at home. Fernandez struck out 13 in the uncharacteristic home loss. Anibal Sanchez, one of my favorite pitchers ever, took the hill for los Tigeritos. Sanchez actually looks like he is having fun when he plays, much like the young Joselito. I like fun.
Janelle Monae is a goddess.
I truly don’t mean to shortchange the other teams, but I do have to start getting ready for work. My dream would be to sit here all day–with a brief break to go work-out–watching baseball and writing about it, but Momma has mouths to feed and bills to pay:
I’m sorry, Ms. Jackson. I am for real. 🙂 Never meant to make your daughter cry by not writing more detailed recaps for the rest of the teams.
Pirates 5 – Cardinals 1 (Sweep, sweep, sweep! When is the last time the Red Birds got swept to start the season? Anyone? Anyone? Nicasio was wonderful.)
Baltimore 4 – Twins 2 (My kitty cat’s namesake Crush went boom! My cat is orange and white, strong, and crazy, just like Chris Davis. Gallardo debuts.)
Nationals 3 – Braves 1 (Strasburg with the win, Fan-Interference Official Mascot Papelbon with the save.)
A’s 2 – White Sox 1 (The Gray Sun picked up a win out in the land of Oaks.)
Reds 3 – Phillies 2 (Schleber walk-off)
So, please tell me, what did I miss?