Where’s My Presents?


Not content to wait for the end of the season, or the All-Star break, or even for the season to begin, David Ortiz and the Boston Red Sox have already begun the farewell tour.  It starts with the final home spring training game.  This shit just got real ladies and gentleman.

To commemorate Ortiz, the Red Sox held a ceremony for the 40-year-old slugger before their game against the Orioles. The celebration essentially kicked off his gift-receiving run, which will continue throughout the season.

The team not only gave Ortiz his own street at the ballpark, David Ortiz Way, but it sent him home with three keepsakes: seats from all three of the Red Sox’ spring training stadiums that he played in.

“Riding off into the sunset”


h/t to my mom who was watching the game and called me to tell me that they pulled Ortiz down 4-0 and put him in a golf cart for a victory lap.

24 thoughts on “Where’s My Presents?

  1. Go Mrs. Scoutsaysweitersisabust, go!!

    Also, another farewell tour? Okay, we gotta start drawing lines. Sure Papi could have one. He’s deserving, but I can’t take this every single season in every single sport dagnammit! There should be ONE farewell tour per year for ALL US major sports (sorry Hockey). My apologize Senor Ortiz, but that makes this Kobe’s year.

    Liked by 3 people

      • But of course none of those are criteria for getting the tour. That said, what the F are the criterion? That’s more to the point. I think the rules are getting pretty lax on farewell tours.

        All that being said, Ortiz has a Red Sox legacy that is extremely significant, he’s one of the best DH’s of all time and he’s a HOF’er, I would think. Not sure what else is needed to get the tour these days.

        So begins the debate about his HOF credentials…and go.


        • The Red Sox are free to honor him. He is very significant to them. As for the other teams, um, he can… expletive himself.

          Can we give him a busted bullpen phone? We can even gild it, to commemorate the event and make it super special. Bonus, an oil painting of Pedroia cowering in the dugout from the splinters of the bat he used?
          How about a pedometer so can time himself around the bases? The pedometer might not go slow enough though. Time and space actually stand still as he moves at his glacial pace. Snails and sloths even say “wtf, man, move!!!”

          Bonus: I can offer him a free colonoscopy at my surgery center so we can locate his head.

          Too much? I am a very generous person.

          Liked by 2 people

        • Maybe the Orioles can invite him back every year for a ceremony where they present him with a bill for the busted phone — like the British give us for the tea in Boston harbor. It would be a good reminder for fans what a DHB he was (lest absence make the heart grow fonder after retirement), and Ortiz is so vain, I bet he’d enjoy the annual attention.


  2. they pulled Ortiz down 4-0 and put him in a golf cart for a victory lap.

    Now I’m wishing that for his very last MLB at bat, Ortiz belts a homerun and uses a golf cart to round the bases. That would be EPIC. Lord, make this happen!


  3. These tours are just nauseating to me.

    You had a great career, you were well compensated and well loved by the home fans. Have a nice year and during the last home stand, do a little ceremony to give the home fans a chance to show appreciation. That is PLENTY. If fans at other stadiums spontaneously decide to give you an ovation during your last visit, that is up to THEM to decide.

    The whole tour thing with a bunch of mostly uninspired and stupid gifts (seats from spring training facilities? fucking seriously? how long until those get thrown out?) reeks of….well, I don’t know it reeks of….but something that smells shitty (beets, maybe). Doing this in ST, too is just too much and too stupid.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. They can give him a tutu, and guarantee him a spot in the corps’ de ballet of the Boston Ballet. I mean, he I/S a big prima donna, right?


  5. Didn’t Ortiz go through a pretty long spell a couple of years ago where he couldn’t get around on the fastball and looked to be done? What happens if it turns out that he tried to play one season too many and his bat no longer deserves a place in the lineup of a contending Red Sox team?

    I would enjoy that.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ll tell you when they will stop these retirement tours.

    When they lose money trying to sell tickets on the promotion. If the teams think they can use it to make a little more money, they will continue.



      • Both Bobby Cox and Chipper Jones got tours first. I know it’s easy, but don’t blame this little piece of megalomania on the Yankees! 😉


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