Breaking News: Drake LaRoche Asked to Stop Bringing Dad to Middle School

imageThere is an interesting new development in the Adam LaRoche drama.

Prestigious and trusted sports blog Sportspickle.com is reporting that Drake LaRoche has been asked by his principal to stop bringing his father, newly retired MLB first baseman Adam LaRoche, to 8th grade everyday because it’s really fucking weird and it is creeping everyone out.

A quote from a student:

“I don’t even like baseball. He needs to leave. Who is he?”

You can read the full report here. This has just gone too far, people. Too damn far. We can’t have a bunch of weird gross unkempt bearded guys running around a middle school. What’s next?

(I am not demanding you click the link, but I would very strongly urge you to please do so, as the ever polite El Bravo would say, since this is all their idea, not mine. Please give them the credit and page view. Gracias. Merci. Grazie. Salamat.)

 

 

 

24 thoughts on “Breaking News: Drake LaRoche Asked to Stop Bringing Dad to Middle School

  1. Amusing enough, except that Laroche is a mystified right wing Evangelical who home brainwashes his kids.

    Other than that – Indy my love, nothing personal – I am rrrrrrreally getting sick of this entire teapot tempest. About forty years ago the great British dramatist Dennis Potter wrote a teleplay called Blue Remembered Hills about his childhood in the Forest of Dean, on the Gloucestershire-Welsh border, in which adults played all the schoolchildren:

    And now, here in the White Sox clubhouse, we have a bunch of bratty children playing adults. Gimme chiasmus!

    Like

    1. I know he home-schools, Gator. LaRoche would never expose his precious Drakey to evolution and sex education. This is satire. See the tag?

      I’m not tired of it yet. I want the White Sox to stage a walk-out and Trump, Schilling, and Gossage to weigh in on the situation. We haven’t reached peak LaRoche yet. You can always turn on, tune in, and drop out if it gets too much for you. Nothing personal. 🙂

      Liked by 4 people

        1. Me too. I want this story wrapped in bacon and placed under my Christmas tree. I want to shower with it. I want to write odes and hymns about it that shall be sung for eternity: “The Ballad of Adam LaRoche”, “Drake and Adam”, and “The Love of a Father and Son” (alternate title: “I Am an Intolerant Douche Who Takes His Glove and Goes Home If He Doesn’t Get His Way.”)

          Liked by 2 people

    1. The Sportspickle piece nailed Adam LaRoche.

      “Drake’s dad gave me a compound bow,” said Drake’s friend Ryan. “It’s pretty awesome. We shot a deer at recess. I hope he keeps coming to school.”

      I died laughing.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Lots of good comments.

      This is the one that read my mind. “…there’s also plenty of guys who want to recap the stripper orgy they had last night. Can you imagine having some goofy 14 year old Christian sitting in the corner of your locker room reading the Bible every fucking day? And with you on the chartered flights? Sounds like a nightmare.” Exactly.

      Like

  2. The one good thing about this story playing out is watching Eaton and Sale one up each other in stupid comments. Sale has the lead in volume, but Eaton’s hard to top in rock stupid insipid bullshit.

    “Drake was more than just a kid that came to the clubhouse,” Eaton said. “He did more for people than we did for him by having him there every day. It’s a difficult dynamic to understand, and that’s why there’s such a strong outreach for us.

    “We lost a leader in Drake, which is crazy enough that a 14-year-old could be looked at like that, but the kid was so tremendous.”

    Give me a fucking break.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. Isaiah 11:6
        “The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them.”

        Like

  3. Scientists have proven in the last five years that they can use quantum effect microscopes to photograph individual atoms. If you fire those guys up by about a factor of 1000 you could probably photograph my interest in all of this Adam LaRoche stuff.

    Or it might still be too small to be in range.

    Like

        1. That is a fair question…but one could also ask:

          Why does anyone care if guys wearing the same color pajamas hit little round objects with a wooden bat better than another group of guys wearing a different color of pajamas?

          People care about what people care about. There is NOTHING rational about caring about the outcomes of sporting events.

          The answer to why anyone is a fan really boils down to: “I just am.”

          Yeah, people will list bonding experiences with family members or whatever…but that just kicks the question down the road without answering it. These games are silly and meaningless. The teams we root for passionately are irrelevant to anything actually meaningful in our lives….but we care anyway.

          Liked by 3 people

        2. Your question made me wonder, “Yeah, why does anyone care?” Of course, the first possible reason is “because baseball”, which made me wonder why we care about baseball….and, I couldn’t come up with a rational reason. I don’t think there is one. We just do.

          Yeah, it captures the imagination. It was fun to play as kids. It is a distraction from the difficulty or tedium of our lives. The things these guys can do are amazing. Etc. But those aren’t reasons to care, they just raise more questions.

          Like

        3. Obviously, that was “Touche. Paper” before auto-correct got hold of it. But I’m sure you got the drift.

          Like

    1. Nah, the LaRoche’s are almost certainly Cruz people. Trump lost the evangelical vote when he said he wouldn’t let sick people die in the street.

      Like

Join in on the conversation!

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s