Ladies, gentlemen, non-binary types, introducing the 2016 F.I. Derek Jeter Memorial  March Mascot Madness bracket!
We have a field of 32 mascots. Every team, with the exception of the Yankees, is included in some way. On
ly because they don’t have a mascot, no one remembers Dandy – the dumbass mascot they halfheartedly introduced in the 70s for a hot minute – and if I put the real mascot of the Yankees, Sainted Derek Jeter, he’d win in a landslide.
So in lieu of that, we’ve named the bracket after him to keep the Yankees fans among us happy.
With so many extra spots, I had to get creative. Many teams have multiple mascots 
roaming around the stadium. Some have lady counterparts to their regular mascots. I’ve added the two most popular of the female mascots. The Angels do not have a mascot, but they do have the Rally Monkey, which might as well be an unofficial mascot as they sell Rally Monkey swag at their park. The Brewers have the Racing Sausages, which are actually more popular and beloved than the actual mascot of the team. And the Braves – long sponsored by Atlanta-based Home Depot – have corporate mascot Phil the Bucket that sometimes wanders around, but is a very popular mascot in Braves Country.
I’m posting the bracket here. If you want to fill in your own trackable bracket, you can use this website, which has an easy to use PDF system.
Tomorrow, we begin in earnest. Take your time, look over the mascots and argue among yourselves. Remember that I am not the NCAA, I don’t take bribes, and I do care about mid-majors (shout out to Monmouth).
EDIT: YES I KNOW STOMPER IS IN THERE TWICE. I just noticed it. Please change Stomper who is going against DJ Kitty to the Racing Presidents. Thank you.
The Rally Monkey lives! Years ago when it was a fresh idea, or at least only a year old, we Anaheim fans were pushed by the Rally Monkey into 7-game World Series success, frustrating the Giants, and ending decades of Anaheim incompetence.
Unfortunately, the win came with a curse: to live in interesting times. We are now left with the rehash of better times and a once exciting song (Jump Around!) that after ten thousand iterations are more tired than Mike Scioscia’s belt.
Nevertheless, homer that I am, I vote for the Rally Monkey which I have little doubt will be a first-round loser. It’s for the kids, waving their own Monkeys at every game while parent’s cringe. It’s for the memory of success. It’s a cheap, friendly substitute for Arte that fans can wallop against their seat, or just punch openly. It’s everything a frustrated fan needs. Jump Around! Jump Around! Jump Around!
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I said I would vote for Phanatic for giving me childhood nightmares but I’ll stump for my home boy, DJ Kitty. Nothing like a miserable looking cat (redundant) to rally the troops:
Yes, I am using the kid for votes.
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Damn, Indy. That’s giving me nightmares.
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Aw, my little boy is cute…
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Yeah, yeah, that’s what every parent thinks when they’re showing you pictures of their fugly kids.
(psst – your little boy is cute). 🙂
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Lol objectively, I have good looking kids. 😛 The ladies love him. Usually, I spare people pics of my kids, but he was so overjoyed to meet DJ Kitty. Even more than Raymond, the real Rays mascot. I couldn’t even get him to look at me for the pic.
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Keeping Yankees fans happy? Try:
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That’s funny, you’d think it’d be the geriatrics on Detroit’s roster that would be shitting on their shirts this year.
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Kevin, dude, you are on fire!
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I need some Tide like that, to eliminate those embarrassing stains. I could use it on my old Dodgers hat, and make it a classic Triple-A LA Angels cap. Nicely done!
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Where’s the Cards’ 2011 Rally Squirrel?
http://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/stltoday.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/b0/cb0f86f0-3b8c-5f5e-a184-9059dc02eea2/56e06b358c876.image.jpg?crop=1018%2C693%2C2%2C21
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You’ve already got Fredbird. The only reason the Rally Monkey is on there is because the Angels don’t have a real mascot.
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We could have waxwork mummy of Gene Autry as a better mascot for them than the Rally Monkey!
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Oh, and I’d take the Rally Squirrel replacing Fredbird!
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