If the Candidates were Ballplayers…

Today I cast my vote for Donald Trump in the Illinois primary*. In doing so, it led me to wonder which former or current ballplayer most closely resembles Trump in look, personality and/or overall style of play. Then, of course, I was on a path of conducting this exercise with every candidate. I’ve put mine below, but feel free to tear them apart or come up with your own.

The Grand Old Party

1. Donald Trump = Pete Rose Trump-Rose-jpg

There are so many similarities that I actually won’t bother trying. I’d rather you guys and gals do some of that for me. Plus, you can see more about the “Loudmouth endorses the Loudmouth” (or did he?) on Professormaddog’s post from earlier this morning.

2. Ted Cruz = A. J. PierzynskiU.S. Senator Cruz speaks to members of the Texas Federation of Republican Women in San Antonio, Texas

Both Ted and A.J. are generally not liked by their their peers, or is it their fans? They also each have a level 12 face on the punchable scale.

Honorable mention to Jonathan Papelbon.

3. John Kasich = Nick Swisher

-4e22ba5637896bcfGive it a rest, Brohio! No one cares about your lame positive vibes and everyone knows you are a has-been, if not a never-was-been. Why don’t you both leave us alone and go practice something useless like bunting or trying to defund Planned Parenthood.

 

4. Marco Rubio = Jose Altuvekepner1-master180

For size alone. Nothing more.

Question: If Marco Rubio is 184604024.3677312 Altuves from being the Republican nominee, how far away is he in feet?

Answer: ???

 

The Democrats

1. Hillary Clinton = Alex Rodriguezhillary-yankees-harry-hamburg-nydnjpg-7dd3098a4f1470fa

Both are great at what they are, and hard working as all hell, but to a fault. They would also eat your baby just to be 2% greater. Nom nom nom!

2. Bernie Sanders = David Ecksteindavid_eckstein

Kind of a tangent, but when I think of the ultimate scrapper, I think of this line from Braveheart.  So I’ll leave it with that.

 

 

 

 

 

*Tee hee

36 thoughts on “If the Candidates were Ballplayers…

  1. Problems with with the Altuve/Rubio matchup, even in light of your disclaimer. Rubio just comes off as so weak and stupid and needy. Altuve is more the little engine that could – or the little star that no one thought would ever be. I’m thinking more Ruth Bader Ginsberg (even though she isn’t running for president – too bad).

    Also a little shaky on Rose/Trump. It seems so obvious, but Rose is stupid and evil. You need someone who is smart and evil. Possibilities: Ty Cobb, David Ortiz, Scott Boras, George Steinbrenner, Jeff Loria. Okay, I know I’m not exactly following the rules. I kind of like Big Papi for the role. He is loud and obnoxious, misogynistic and breaks everything he touches.

    But Hillary,Cruz and Sanders are perfect.

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    1. I’ll bet Jose Altuve also did better in high school than the pitiful 2.1 GPA Marco managed. There’s a reason the Rube freezes up when forces to speak extemporaneously. I know we all want to believe it’s believe he was a poorly designed GOP android designed to deliver Florida and the Latino vote nationally, but the more simple explanation is he’s just dumb.

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    2. Altuve as Rubio either, eh… but the others are good.

      I also find myself rooting for Hillary, and A-rod, in spite of myself and my better judgment. Excellent comparison.

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  2. Every time I see the title of this blog post I read it as “If Canadians were ballplayers”, and my first thought is that it explores how awesome some hockey players would be at baseball.

    Also, John Rocker = Donald Trump

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Or Luke Scott. Or a huge percentage of the rednecks in the league who watch Duck Dynasty religiously and agree with every word, but are smart enough to give bland interviews.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. John Rocker = Trump. Okay, I buy that. similar levels of despicable.

        Luke Scott (and guys like him) get a bad rap from that. The difference is the directly or indirectly implied violence. Luke may have come off as a bit of an ignorant fool at times, but I never caught him even implying the violence.

        Unless you were a wild pig.

        And I support that.

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    2. I know one pretty decent hockey player, drafted ahead of two future Hall of Famers (Brett Hull and Luc Robitaille) who turned out to be more than decent at baseball… and he wasn’t even Canadian: Tom Glavine.

      Also, Donald Trump is a hybrid of two ballplayers. He has the racial tolerance of John Rocker combined with the business ethics of Curt Schilling.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ooooooo, Schilling is pretty much trump all by himself, but yeah, add a little racism and homophobia from Rocker and you get way closer. Good call.

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      1. Hmmm I guess it’s not an exact science, or if it is, you are more exact. It was 1 billion feet converting the other direction.

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        1. Did you use How Many Altuves? They didn’t have a reverse calculator, so I just went with 5’5″, which wasn’t quite accurate. Over numbers that large, I could see a differences of tens of thousands of feet.

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        2. I did. Didn’t realize no reverse option. I did it in excel and Altuve must be a fraction over 5’5″. That fractional amount makes all the difference!

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      1. Just don’t you worry your pretty head about it. Us big, tough guys will take care of it for you. 🙂

        Little known fact. Forty years ago in grad school I was on an engineering design team with two other guys and a young lady. I had the opportunity on a tough problem to say the exact same words to her.

        Fortunately she knew me and I survived.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Eckstein would be a natural fit for the federal Liberal Party up here in Canuckistan. Just as the Conservatives are also known as the Tories, the Liberals are known as the Grits.

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  3. And Rubio gets crushed like a bug in his home state. The Senate job he never bothered to show up for is ending. Next stop: lobbyist or FOX contributor.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. But for one to die, you have The blobfish, and the knobfish, both want to take over your ovaries and bedroom. Both are lethal, but one wants sharia ” Christian” law, the other wants smaller government except for your ovaries and bedroom.

      We have to put a stake in the Republican party while it is gasping!

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    2. At least they’ve learned their lesson @ FOX and they no longer spend all their time peddling fear and hatred.

      Oh wait, they haven’t changed a goddamn thing.

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