Fan Interference

Those people are the Washington Nationals.

This was making the rounds on social media today – the Nats are having a fan’s choice bobblehead promotion, and…well…

Notice what I’ve highlighted here.

That’s right. The Nationals are offering to make a bobblehead of our site mascot and all around Most Hated Closer in Baseball, Jonathan Papelbon. Now, I don’t know about you, but I suddenly realize that I need this in my life. There is now nothing more important to me than getting a Paps bobblehead made. I’m not the only person who feels this way.

The only thing better than knowing there’s a chance we might get a Paps bobble is thinking about what that bobble would look like. I mean, let’s face it, J-Paps is an icon. There’s so many fantastic memories that we could have immortalized…

Can we forget this beautiful moment? That would be special; a two-for-one bobble featuring Paps with moving arms and the Human Potato with a moving head. That would excellent, wouldn’t it? A real collector’s item.

Or the immediate aftermath of the Choke Heard ‘Round the World – douche supreme in all of his douche glory. That’s the kind of face that would haunt you at night. That’s the kind of bobblehead that would be a magnet for poltergeists.

And of course, we could have this forever in the annals of bobble-dom, even thought this was a Phillies moment. But really, it belongs to all of baseball, doesn’t it? The hips could bobble, just to make it extra lewd.

I’m hoping that they do this one and our friend El Bravo (I think it’s Bravo, perhaps it’s Lefty?) would wear his special shirt that celebrates this momentous feat of courage.

Anyway, join me in wreaking havoc on the world and vote J-Paps for Fan Choice Bobblehead, not because I hate him and everything he stands for (OK, I do), but because I have a powerful need to troll and dammit, this does the trick.