Hall of Fame reliever Goose Gossage went off on a unprecedented and often times hilariously bad rant to ESPN today, in which he went after Jose Bautista, Yoenis Cespedes, the Second Base slide rule, Buster Posey, and whatever the hell else is pissing him off this week. Also turn of that damn music. It was so much better back in his day, when music had heart and soul, and oh, I don’t fucking know.
“Bautista is a f—ing disgrace to the game,” Gossage told ESPN. “He’s embarrassing to all the Latin players, whoever played before him. Throwing his bat and acting like a fool, like all those guys in Toronto. [Yoenis] Cespedes, same thing.”
OK, a little harsh. I get some people hate bat flips because some people hate fun, and if you are like 85 years old, it’s cool to say fuck every third word.
Goose also hates those fucking nerds who are running baseball out of their mom’s basement in-between Surge colas and World of Warcraft raids.
“It is a joke,” Gossage said. “The game is becoming a freaking joke because of the nerds who are running it.
“I’ll tell you what has happened, these guys played rotisserie baseball at Harvard or wherever the f— they went and they thought they figured the f—ing game out. They don’t know s—.
Somehow this transitioned into Buster Posey and the new slide rules.
“A bunch of f—ing nerds running the game. You can’t slide into second base. You can’t take out the f—ing catcher because [Buster] Posey was in the wrong position and they are going to change all the rules. You can’t pitch inside anymore. I’d like to knock some of these f—ers on their ass and see how they would do against pitchers in the old days.
This of course naturally transitions into a steroids rant.
“Ryan Braun is a f—ing steroid user. He gets a standing ovation on Opening Day in Milwaukee. How do you explain that to your kid after throwing people under the bus and lying through his f—ing teeth? They don’t have anyone passing the f—ing torch to these people.
“If I had acted like that, you don’t go in that f—ing dugout. There are going to be 20 f—ing guys waiting for you.”
Bautista for his part when asked about the comments, had the perfect PR response.
“He’s a great ambassador for the game,” Bautista told ESPN after being informed of Gossage’s comments. “I don’t agree with him. I’m disappointed that he made those comments, but I’m not going to get into it with him. I would never say anything about him, no matter what he said about me. I have too much good stuff to worry about his comments. Today is my first game [of the spring], getting ready for a new season; hopefully, we will whoop some more ass.”
Fan Interference 
It isn’t like we didn’t already know that Gossage was a giant fucking asshole. This is 12 kinds of not shocking.
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Oh yeah, and also, it is freaking hilarious.
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I’m going to have to steal his quotes, I hope he doesn’t mind. I don’t think I can let this one die, you guys….
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Oh, blow it out your goddamn Harvard rotisserie league, buncha steroid nerds.
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All the F bombs, but I’m certain he thinks “nerd” is the dirtiest word he spews out of his face whole.
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I was just saying today how normally I am not a fan of Bautista but when he launched that bat into the stratosphere, I loved him with every essence of my being. That is what baseball needs if it wants to survive. Gossage is a fool.
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One day during the 1990 lockout Gossage was throwing batting practice to his son Keith, who was 10 at the time. Keith was having trouble hitting the outside pitch because he stepped away from the ball rather than toward it. “You’re stepping in the bucket,” Gossage hollered. “Let’s work on it.”So Gossage tossed a pitch outside. Keith stepped in the bucket and whiffed on it. Gossage tossed another pitch outside. Keith missed it again. He made no adjustment. This happened again and again and again—10 times in all—before that frightening alter ego overcame Gossage. And so the Goose, one of the most fearsome fastball pitchers of all time, wound up in that unmistakable chaotic motion of his, first showing his hulking back to the plate and then, in a sudden, violent windmill of arms and legs, unleashing something only slightly less than his most terrifying fastball at his fifth-grader.“Something happened between winding up and letting it go,” he recalls now. “It just happened.”He drilled his son. Nailed him flush on the left thigh, a direct hit that would turn the kid’s leg “black, blue, green, purple, yellow—all the colors of those real nasty ones,” Gossage says.The boy hobbled to his feet. “Dad,” he screamed, “you’re an asshole!” Keith laughs about it now, about how he could hardly walk for a couple of days. His father laughs too. “I used to joke about how I’d drill my own mother if she were up there,” Goose says. “I guess maybe I would. I mean, I hit my own kid.”
http://www.si.com/vault/1994/09/12/131957/making-hay-idled-by-yet-another-strike-43-year-old-goose-gossage-may-have-seen-the-sun-set-on-his-baseball-career
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In fairness, I’d probably drill all y’alls’ kids half a chance.
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*HBPiD.
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Hehe
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“Children are horrible.”
– Old Gator
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I count at least 12 profanities. Hold on, I need to sprinkle my eyes with holy water for just a minute.
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So, apparently he’s going to wear that mustache for the rest of his life. I sported a Fu Manchu for a while, then I turned 16.
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The walrus and the carpenter would talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax. Of cabbages and kings. And if the sea were boiling hot, and whether shoes had wings.
Gossage is that walrus, my friend.
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