The Midnight Snack -Monday

Before I get into the meat of the snack tonight, there are two items of business I want to discuss quickly.

First, I would like to give a huge, warm welcome to Laura Hirai, the pitcher from the Great Britain national team. She recently stopped by and left a few comments. You’re always welcome here at F-I, Laura. Please feel free to keep us in the loop regarding your career! In case you missed it, you can follow Laura on Twitter at @loorrry, where she posts links to other ladies getting it done on the baseball diamond.

Secondly, as long as I post my snack between 10:30 pm and midnight CST, this counts as a Midnight Snack for a huge portion of our reading audience. So there, Scout. 😛

And awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!

Vanity of vanities! All is vanity: Solomon said this many thousands of years ago. The same is true for today. Or at least it should be; because damn, y’all. People are either way too vain or just not vain enough. Now, wait a second, Prof. What the hell are you talking about? Oh, fam. You’ll see. You’ll soon see.

People get tattoos for lots of reasons. Some people just like the artistic qualities. Some people were drunk and stupid in college. Some people get them because it means something to them and it’s very personal (like mine, for example).

And some people get a portrait of themselves on their back.

That’s Royals player Paulo Orlando. He added MLB and his call-up date to the side of the tattoo.

Guys, I don’t know. I understand that this is a really important time in his life – especially after it took him about ten years to make it – but a photo of himself? I don’t know. It seems strange to me.

The Pirates’ Jung-ho Kang also has a tattoo of himself. This one is even weirder – it’s his own face on his leg. Wow. Just… wow. [h/t to @historiophiliac for the heads up]

On the flipside, we have the not nearly vain enough. This includes every dude out there who has an allergic reaction to those Dollar Shave Club commercials. I talked about Kimbrel the other day. Who else is committing crimes against humanity with their facial hair?

It might just be a huge joke, but the relatively adorable Sonny Gray is going to be sporting some sort of fur on his mug during Spring Training. His grooming icon? The truly awful beard stylings of Sean Doolittle.

(Prof Note: I sure do love Sean Doolittle, though. I’ve had him on all three of my fantasy teams, even though last year I got screwed because of his injury. Oh well. shakes fist Never again, Doo. Never again.)

I miss the days of dorky, clean shaven guys with middle aged dad bodies who would come into Spring Training, knock the rust off, and then dominate all season long with their excellent two seam fastballs. I’m not crying, you are.

Anyway, have a great night!

32 thoughts on “The Midnight Snack -Monday

  1. You don’t fucking see Ren and Indaburg coming in here and posting thirty minutes early do you? NO! 30 mins early is fucking late in this game! Here the greats show up TWO HOURS EARLY! AND EVEN THEN THEY ARE LATE! You should have posted this snack YESTERDAY! What the hell are you thinking showing up at the time you were told to show up? Don’t do as I say, do as I want! Fucking bloggers today, I swear. Not back in MY day! Now go make me a creme brulee!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Well, to be fair that’s only because he’s afraid of you. If you were sweet and nice and made creme brule, then of course you…..

        Never mind…Happy Valentine’s day.


  2. Well, what could mean more to him and be more personal than a tattoo of himself? 😉
    Yeah, that’s weird. I’m still thinking what I would tattoo on myself. I’m still pristine and tattoo-less.

    And you’re late, woman. Or early. Wait, I’m confused. Let’s get Chris Archer to come yell at you.


  3. If you really want to start complaining about guys growing beards, are you prepared for guys to start expressing their opinions about the crimes women commit while trying to impress each other?


        1. And caint dichem on the side of the road after we are done with them? Ring a bell? To be fair most of the troglodytes I heard that broken axiom is from guys who still live with their parents, never had a second date, own WAY to many guns, still play D & D, work at places where a 9th grade education is considered over educated, own way to many Star Wars figurines and are fervent posters to men’s rights advocates websites so I generally considered them fucktards from the get go. No offense to anyone who is posting to get a dog on Historio’s, just my two cents.

          Believe me, I have and probably still will make dumb jokes about everything that is both unpopular and stupid, but even in my WORST moments, I have a fucking great appreciation of the women in my life because my mom’s willingness to care for the four of us on her bartending job and food stamps. I love all women who are doing well even though the republicans are trying to kill you awesome ladies.

          Liked by 1 person

      1. You really want a list of hair styles that women (as a group) thought were good ideas? Or makeup choices, or the whole painting nails thing (or worse, fake nails). Or “fashion” (i.e. arbitrary and transient values pushed on and by a group). Most of that shit makes you look worse, not better…but hey, keep competing with each other….we’ll just sit over here by the fire at the cave entrance.


        1. 1) yes, I’d love to know what female fashions you can actually name,
          2) yes, I also think it would be interesting to know which things in particular drive you crazy,
          3) yes, I’d like a good laugh seeing you as the fashion police,
          And 4) feel free to tell us about all of the attractive women you’ve blown off due to their fashion choices.

          /grabs popcorn

          Liked by 1 person

        2. I’ve never had interest in the obviously high maintenance….and they are always obvious.

          Fashion is an exercise in the arbitrary at the expense of function, mostly designed to make people with money feel like they are better than people without….which is why it is ever changing and why women make fun of clothing that is out of fashion.

          Wait, I have to know the names of things to point out that they are stupid? Because skinny jeans were a good idea? Or those giant scrunchies masquerading as scarves? Or…shit, I don’t know, whatever other thing has come and gone in the last 5 minutes.

          How about the hair cuts that were shorter in the back than in the front…a modified helmet head look. One year just about every woman in my family had one of those, I asked if they all went to the same stylist, when many said yes I asked if she only knew how to do one hair cut. I was told to fuck off. 🙂


        3. Also, is it particularly loathsome that we are trying to impress each other instead of you or are you just proud that “real men” (allegedly and heteronormatively) don’t care how other men look? Like is it better to be masculine because then you supposedly don’t have to play to each other?


        4. Men compete with each other differently is all. I suppose some of those competitions (many of which evolved into sports) may attract women as a secondary effect, but the physical competitions themselves aren’t disguised as being directed at women. They really are cavemanish competitions designed to establish ability and thus status.


        5. It’s snowing again….that big flake slowly falling snow globe kinda snow…..sadly, it is supposed to turn to rain later tonight.


        6. Lol, this is hilarious. Yes, group us all together.

          I have always walked to the beat of my drummer. I dress to impress myself. Yes, you hot stuff in the mirror. If someone else likes it, cool. If you don’t like it, look away.

          Liked by 1 person

    1. “Are you prepared for guys to start expressing their opinions about the crimes women commit while trying to impress each other?”

      Yes. All of us have been preparing for dicks expressing their opinions since the day we were born women.


  4. Jung-ho Kang covered his ankle surgery scar with a tattoo of himself. Until today, Steve O was the only person I knew of with a tattoo of themselves.


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