Can we please just stop with the fucking year long retirement tours? We haven’t even started the damn season yet. It’s getting worse and worse ever year. First it was Mariano. Then Jeter. Then Kobe. Now it’s Ortiz. Can we please just stop it and move on already? Look, this player is retiring. Big friggen whoop! Does it make him any more special than the thousands of players before him who have retired? Can’t we just put this shit on hold at least until the final month of the season?
Can we leave the commercials and the horrible poems and the verbal masturbation on the cutting room floor? Do we need millionaires to be given lavish and often ridiculous gifts by billionaires as a thank you for being really good at throwing a ball? Do we really need a repeat of the Mariano Rivera All-Star game in which a grand total of zero other players apparently participated in because the cameras wouldn’t stop showing us those exciting scenes of Mariano in the fucking bullpen. Can’t we just have one damn season that’s not a dedicated love letter to whatever player has decided to finally come to the realization that they are no longer the player they once were and have finally collected enough millions to put their great, great, great grandchildren through private education? Is anyone else as sick of this nonsense as I am? At what point do we stop stroking the ego’s of the already over-paid, over-worshiped, aggrandized athletes? At what point do we finally say “Enough”! It’s time for you to leave quietly like the many great players before you. It’s time to leave with a little class.