Does anyone else ever have that feeling after a few days off that everything’s discombobulated, and no matter how much time you had off to begin with, you desperately need the weekend? I sure do. So let’s celebrate Friday with some tasty morsels.
Of Course There’s Baseball in Heaven: I follow the best people on Twitter. One of my mutuals retweeted this really cool newspaper clipping from the 1910s.
I can safely say this is the cornerstone of my theology.
Today In Kimbrel News: No matter where Craig Kimbrel ends up, I’m going to be a fan. He’s in Boston now, and today he gave a press conference to talk about how he will be transitioning in the AL. Two important things to note:
It’s actually a QALO rubber ring, made specifically for people who use their hands a lot. People like professional pitchers. There are a lot of players, pitchers especially, who do not wear their wedding rings while they play. That Kimbrel does touches my heart (luv u Silver Surfer).
The second thing is not as lovely.
The beard! The horrible, horrible beard! Craig, why you doin’ this? You’re a handsome guy, Kimbrel, why do you insist on looking like an Amish red panda?
Y’all, I will be so very glad when this beard trend finally goes away.
On that note, I bid you all a great weekend!
Fan Interference 
I may have actually listened to that sermon. Maybe.
The beard is the Red Sox form of assimilation. Soon Price will grow one too. As soon as a player joins that team, their degree of hotness declines by 57%, but some of my personal bias may have creeped into my research. I’m with you though, prof. Beards are not a good look for most men.
The camo ring, I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s better he just not wore a ring. I understand why players don’t wear a ring while they play. It can bother them while they play (hands can swell, the ball can hit them there and it hurts etc) and hopefully their marriage is secure enough that their spouse knows that those few hours they are ringless, they still love them. I know it wouldn’t bother me, but that’s me.
(Weekend? Ha. People, do not have children. During the week, you can’t wake them up to go to school. On the weekend, “look, I can see the sun just over the meridian, wake up, mommy”–go to hell and you know the word meridian?)
LikeLike
Maybe it’s not ironic that Boston is the team that looks like homeless guys and the Yanks look “respectable.”
LikeLike
I think that’s the plan.
LikeLike
Yay, baseball is here and I get to insult everyone’s team again, that said, what will happen first…the Tigers win the WS or your starting nine put in for social security? Haha
LikeLike
As our resident Red Sox fan, you and I are going to have some fun, slappy. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m pretty sure Ortiz will retire first.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And we have a leader in the clubhouse for bizarre spring training injury. Micah Johnson cut himself trying to remove an avocado pit.
http://www.foxsports.com/mlb/story/los-angeles-dodgers-avocado-causes-dodgers-first-injury-of-spring-training-021916
LikeLike
Damn it, you always use a spoon!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pretty hard to cut an avocado with a spoon! I know what you meant but I always use a knife, I just look at what I’m doing and don’t use so much force.
Just a quick downward chop and a slight twist and the pit comes out no problem. Then a spoon to scoop out the delicious innards.
LikeLike
Tha beahd is bawt jist anathah way fowah tha new playahz to show they gut bawlz to the rest of the playahz!!!111 If they gut bawlz then they ahh manly men who ahh bettah then any othah playah and no wun denize it!!#+= If youwah guyz ahh beahdless then they are weak hittin bitches like that fahkin qweah Jetah and youwah team is doomed to be owah bitches fowah evah!!$@;1 The only time we don’t like beahds is when the dahkies grow them cauwz then they look like Moslim terrahists and that scahaz us becauwz of the Bahstin bombahz who fahked with the big run thing and tried to ruin owah cultchah and trahdishinz!!11??;
Go patz, go Celtics, go Bruins and go sawx this is owah yeah and Gawd bless trump, he gets it he will make us feel safe!!!#@_!!
Sully from Doowahchestah.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You need to do a State of the Red Sox written just like this. It’s perfect.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Slappy as Jerry Remy?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really don’t think Remy is racist though.
LikeLike
I’m in.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The hardest part will be for you guys to try to edit it. How can you edit stupid? Ha.
LikeLike
5 gallon tubs of White Out? Erasers the size of pillows? Bahstahnese-to-English translator?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am fluent in Bostonese. My babysitter speaks like that. She is absolutely wonderful, except for trying to convert my children to root for the Red Sox. I told her I would fire her if she is successful. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
The Bahstahn accent isn’t much different from that in upstate Maine, which I grew up 5 miles away from… you cross the border and your car instantly becomes a cah.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Same thing in NH.
LikeLike
I knew a Msiner in college. Nice guy, poured on the charm. Good old Gooser, I miss that dude.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My love, did you mean Mainer? Or do I just not understand your weird accent? Haha
LikeLike
dang phone. Yes, I meant Mainer 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person