It’s Winter. So Let’s Draft The Sexiest Players At Each Position!

Author by scoutsaysweitersisabustPosted in Baseball

Look, it’s winter.  A lot of us have been trapped inside for the past four days.  There’s no baseball news.  So what is a New York reporter to do?  Draft a team of the sexiest baseball players.   I’ll leave the commentary to the rest of you, but here’s a quick breakdown.

At Saturday night’s New York Baseball Writers’ Association of America award dinner, former Oakland Athletics pitcher Barry Zito reminded the winners of his “All Dreamy Team,” his running list of the hottest baseball players at each position, including National League Cy Young Award winner Jake Arrieta and National League MVP Bryce Harper.

Although the retired hurler’s list is impressive, the Daily News has their own lineup card filled with plenty of national pastime eye candy.

Pitcher: Matt Harvey (Mets)

Catcher: Buster Posey (Giants)

First Base: Anthony Rizzo (Cubs)

Second Base: Robinson Cano (Mariners)

Short Stop: Brandon Crawford (Giants)

Third Base: Kris Bryant (Cubs)

Left Field: Alex Gordon (Royals)

Center Field: Kevin Kiermaier (Rays)

Right Field: Bryce Harper (Nationals)

Designated Hitter: Curtis Granderson (Mets)

Bench Dustin Ackley (Mariners)

Manager: Brad Ausmus (Tigers)

General Manager: Matt Silverman (Rays)

Interesting to see so few teams represented here with multiple winners on the Mets, Giants, Rays, Mariners, and Cubs.  So what do you think?  Any major snubs?  Anyone not belong on this list?  Shouldn’t Harper get disqualified for that hair alone?

 

56 thoughts on “It’s Winter. So Let’s Draft The Sexiest Players At Each Position!”

  2. I think there was some major hallucinogenic drugs taken. Bryce Harper, a dude who looks like a potato with a greaser pompadour? Hell no.

    I do approve of the dreamy eyed bunch being members of this club.

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    1. I concur, prof. I like Harper, even though it’s unfashionable. The brashness appeals to me. What’s wrong with knowing you are good and being up front about it?

      But looks? Not hardly.

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  3. I can honestly say that this is a topic for which I struggle to find useful input. Brad Ausmus was my favorite Astros catcher, but that was for defense, pitch framing, toughness, and his intellectual side. I never even noticed he was what you would call “dreamy” until his famous interview with Diane Sawyer before the 2005 World Series. Watching her reduced to a slobbering wreck by his mere presence, I finally realized, ” I guess he is kind of – you know – handsome.”

    But, speaking of bias, I note a rather surprising lack of Hispanic candidates in the list. Maybe not so surprising from the Daily News, but I wonder if our ladies might be able to help with that deficiency?

    I’m at a loss.

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    1. Seriously. Robinson Cano is the lone Dominican, Curtis Granderson is the lone African-American, and the rest of the team is as white as the snowdrifts Sunday morning. Also, I wonder how much the selections of Cano and the Grandyman are due to the long exposure NYDN had covering them. If Granderson is never traded from Detroit, or Texas had picked Cano instead of Joaquin Arias (seriously, thanks for that one guys!), would they have even made this list, or would it be a complete white-wash?

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      1. Yep. I agree.

        Someone mentioned Cutch – Clyde, I think – and I would be cool with that. Adam Jones from the Orioles. I think Prince Fielder is adorable but then again, I like ’em fluffy.

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        2. See, this is the only thing I am comfortable opining on. Yes Fielder is cute as hell, as was Puckett until he got rapey and shit. I just feel we are better off rating the wives as they will bring no shame to their gender like horrible men do. Our heroes ALWAYS disapoint us but the wags never will.

          So I nominate my wife Sophia Vageras as my first base woman.

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    2. Jose Altuve is precious.

      And I can’t take any list seriously that ranks Matt Harvey’s boring ass above the likes of the Dog Fister or Jose Fernandez! El Keed especially.

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  6. I will defer to the experts in male sexiness – Indaburg, Historio and the Professor — for this one. My main criterion for sexiness requires one to be female.

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        2. Arizoonies don’t know nuthin about grits, cheesy or otherwise. There’s probably one (1) café/restaurant/diner in the entire state that serves them.

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  9. I can’t really participate in the discussion, not because I am insecure in my maleness or whatever, it’s that I just don’t really understand the criteria for what’s defined as a sexy male. It seems to change from person to person. Most people generally seem to be able to agree upon if an actress is hot or not. But when it comes to men, some people agree, while others have wildly differing opinions. At the end of the day I just can’t really tell. I mean, Chris Davis seems like an pretty decent looking man I suppose. Same with Adam Jones. But I never hear their names brought up, so what do I know? People talk about Bryce Harper all the time, but to me he looks very douchie. What with the hair and all the gel and shit. But I suppose some people are into that. Not to say he’s a bad guy or anything, he just LOOKS like a guy I wouldn’t want to be friends with. Unless I had a trip planned to the Jersey Shore or to go shopping for gigantic neck jewelry or tribal tattoos or something.

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    2. “Most people generally seem to be able to agree upon if an actress is hot or not.”

      I hear guys disagree all the time. Look at Kate Upton. Some guys say she’s overweight and not attractive. I call those men crazy. What makes a person attractive is very subjective an an individual basis (e.g. I do not find Prince Fielder attractive in any way, Prof and Historio do), but there are some things that make a person attractive to a large set of people. Things like a symmetrical face (studies have shown that even babies just days old prefer faces with symmetry), a BMI within an acceptable range (we don’t like overly thin or morbidly obese), and youth. We tend to prefer young faces over wrinkled faces.

      I like him, but Chris Davis looks insane. Way too intense.

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    1. No, Rizzo is clean shaven, too.

      If Jake Arrieta would stay clean shaven he would leapfrog onto this list in a heartbeat. Sweet twinkly eyes.

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  11. Um, this is a pretty good looking list. This is a tough draft. Buster Posey, no. I’d rate Jonathan Lucroy over Posey, and I think Lucroy might be cross-eyed. Posey is too gosh darned Richie Cunningham-like.

    I approve of the Kiermaier selection. I saw him in person at Maddon’s Thanksmas dinner in normal street clothes inches away from me while I waited in line to use the restroom–he smiled, swoon–and he is one of the best looking humans I have ever seen in person.

    Harvey has a great butt and nice eyes (I saw that Body Issue and Not Bad At All) but I don’t know about best looking pitcher. Who is the best looking pitcher? Sheesh, they seem to go out of their way to look like crap. If Chris Archer buzzed off that chia pet growing on his head, he’d be in the top 5.

    http://cache3.asset-cache.net/gc/481060270-american-league-all-star-chris-archer-of-the-gettyimages.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=X7WJLa88Cweo9HktRLaNXt4d4hNQ%2B0PFNCaQMBe2uxVNFiKNCqGp046YkFfSWaqa8Yja70UbFiLE%2FcYQjPQvqQ%3D%3D

    No Giancarlo Stanton? No Matt Kemp?

    Jesus, I’m trying to work today. After last night’s Midnight Snack, drafting the sexiest players, and the research I’m doing for my next blog post–I’m having a rough day, you guys.

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    1. I concur re: Jon Lucroy. He’s a nice looking guy. He looks like an actual dude, like he’s approachable hot, you know?

      Matt Harvey’s not even the best looking pitcher on his own staff. FOH, list.

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  14. Who is the ugliest guy in MLB right now? I think we’re kind of in a dead ball era of ugliness. Where are the Yogi Berra, Andy Etchebarren, Don Mossi and Otis Nixon of today?

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    1. Hmmm. Good question! I mean, I know who I think got beaten to death with an ugly stick, but my mileage will vary.

      Mat Latos is hideous, though; I think most folks can agree.

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  16. Okay, I am saying my good byes for now as we are fucked. The company I work for has closed on a deal and my wife and I am now fired. Between the both of us we have lost three jobs in two months. Long story short, the property we manage has been bought out by a horrible corporation and they no longer need us and today they told us we are fucked. They’re trying to get the sheriff to evict us but they have no clue that we have until the end of March. Anyway….They are going to shut down my WiFi and are being cocks to make us feel worse than we already do. If you don’t hear from me soon….well, fuckit.

    Now you know WHY I said that this is a horrible month.

    I’m gonna post until I can’t and I WILL come back from this shit, somehow, someway.

    Not looking for sympathy, just telling why I’m a loser for not saving money to offset this inevitable outcome. I never saw it coming. I love you all and when I get back to being able to post, I will.

    I WILL BE FUNNY!!!!!!!

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    4. Very sorry to hear this news. Just awful how cruel people can be to one another. I was in a similar situation 20 years ago when the company my girlfriend and I worked for went out of business unexpectedly. We’re all rooting for you.

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  17. I always thought Andre Ethier was a nice looking man – nice smile. Among pitchers, CJ Wilson of my own LAAofA is still my pick for the hottest pitcher. And Scout, “Most people generally seem to be able to agree upon if an actress is hot or not.” You and I obviously have never hung out in the same locker room playing the Island Game (Who would you like to be marooned with). We males are followers of trends – remember the first X-Men film? A blue-skinned Rebecca Romjin epitomized the feminine ideal. Can you even remember what she looks like today? No, I believe taste is fickle in nature, which also explains the high divorce rate.

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  19. Pingback: Best Shape in Their Lives? | Hardball Conversations

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