Want to feel really, really old?

creed1And see how many baseball players are older and younger than you? C’mon, you know you do. It’s a fun exercise to do when you’re procrastinating actual exercise. Baseball Reference has this handy-dandy little age calculator to let you figure that out. It’s great fun.

Share your results, if you dare. I would, but I’m crying too hard into my coffee to see the results. Results appear hazy. There are now baseball managers younger than me. Go to hell, Kevin Cash. I think Machu Picchu may actually be younger than me now too. I don’t know how that happened, but it can also go to hell.

As for you whippersnappers younger than Roberto Osuna (20 yrs, 10m, 26 days), just hush.

93 thoughts on “Want to feel really, really old?

  1. I am a month older than Gerald Laird. That bald, old, ancient-ass geezer. I am older than him.

    At least I know that Chase Utley is older than I am so I feel better about life still.

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  2. It’s very sweet of you to try to help me feel old but, frankly, I don’t need your help. Some nurse you turned out to be – the gerontology ward drive you a little wonky this past year?

    You remind me of the nurse who was asked by her ward resident to administer routine acuity tests to the patients on the G-ward in between dumping the bedpans. So she says to her first patient, “good morning and how are you Mr. Goldberg?” And Mr. Goldberg says “oh fine sheina maideleh, and how are you?” And she says, just fine, sir. Do you mind if I ask you a question?” and he drools a little and smiles, “why no, of course not,” and she says, “how much is two and two,” and he thinks real hard and replies, “two and two, why, that’s Tuesday, isn’t it?” And she thanks him and moves on to the next patient.

    So she says to her next patient, “good morning and how are you Mr. O’Malley?” And he says “oh fine lassie, and how are you?” And she says, just fine, sir. Do you mind if I ask you a question?” and he dribbles a little and smiles, “why no, bless ye,” and she says, “how much is two and two,” and he thinks real hard and replies, “two and two, why, that’s fourteen as I live n’ breathe, isn’t it?” And she thanks him and moves on to the next patient.

    So she says to her third patient, “good morning and how are you Mr. Hirata?” And he says “I am well thank you, and how are you?” And she says, just fine, sir. Do you mind if I ask you a question?” and he burps and smiles, “why no, of course not,” and she says, “how much is two and two,” and he thinks real hard and replies, “two and two, why, that’s four, isn’t it?” And she says, “that’s very good, Mr. Hirata. Would you mind explaining to me how you arrived at that amount?” And he replies, “Oh, it’s very simple. I just took fourteen, and divided it by Tuesday.”
    .

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    1. LOL That’s pretty funny. I bet most people could not explain how two plus two is four anyway. His explanation is as good is any.

      You think children are terrible? Children have nothing on nurses. We’re terrible, terrible people.

      In my previous job, I did have to administer mini-mentals to assess for mental acuity in the elderly. Ask people to subtract from 93 by 7s. Spell the word “world” backwards. Say the date. (I never know the date.) Draw 2 intersecting triangles. Name the President. I hated this question–save the rant. Just say the name. Name the country, state, county, city, and place of your current location. And so on. It was sad, seeing once capable people struggle to remember that they were in a doctor’s office.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was going to add that in about 5 years when checking them against my youngest kid only yields a couple of gray haired knuckle ballers, I switch to comparing their ages to my oldest grandkid.

        Alternatively I could compare their ages to the age of my winter coat. Like those of them whose age matches the age of my coat, it’s beginning its decline phase.

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      1. I should have in high school. I probably could have found them, too, living in the San Fernando Valley. One trip to Gold’s Gym in Santa Monica probably would have done it. No, my friend, I did it clean. Hey, I might have been small, but I was slow!

        I once pissed hot with a downright Ruthian nanogram per milliliter number in a THC test. I was needing a vacation at that point anyway.

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    1. When George Burns was about 90 years old, someone asked him why he dated so many young starlets. He replied, “because all the women my age are dead.”

      Liked by 1 person

  3. No players on that list share my birthday, but (most fittingly), the manager closest to my age (I am 3 weeks older than he is) is John Gibbons of the Jays.

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    1. Nbjays, I read this interview with Joey Bats today. If you want to stalk him, come to Tampa.

      http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/the-interview-jose-bautista-blue-jays-franchise-player-mlb-baseball-toronto/article27951710/

      “In Tampa, I have a lot more freedom in the offseason. I get to enjoy things I normally wouldn’t, like going around town, doing my dry-cleaning, going grocery shopping, doing things normal people do. I’m a normal guy, but it’s just timing and managing a schedule. If I did the same thing in Toronto, it would take about four hours [because of photo and autograph requests].”

      I recently told my new coworker he looks a little like Jose Bautista and he said, “Who?” He wasn’t joking. /facepalm

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      1. My best friend didn’t know who Clayton Kershaw was and he lived about three miles from Dodger Stadium until a few years ago.

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  4. I’ve got the same birthday as David Ortiz and Gary Sheffield. Between the three of us, we’ve got a combined career fWAR of 108.2. I declare myself the winner.

    Then again, my birthday is also the same as the Jonestown Massacre. If you want to get bummed out, go do a bit of googling on that. You’ll never think of the phrase “drinking the kool-aid” in the same way again.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, but I think most people who use that expression now have no idea about its origins as a tool for mass murder.

        I personally don’t have a problem with cracking jokes about drinking kool-aid, but I also don’t have a problem with cracking jokes about 9/11 either. I suspect many people would draw a line between the two.

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      2. That’s one of the most haunting news stories of my childhood. To this today, I can recognize footage immediately when I see it. I tell my mom that’s one difference between my generation and hers. She remembers Howdy Doody from her childhood. I had Jonestown and the Girl Scout murders.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I wasn’t old enough at the time for it to really register with me as a memory, but we did a school project in 5th or 6th grade to identify major historical events that happened on our birthdays. (thinking about it now, I don’t actually remember how we did that research without the internet…which is somewhat disturbing.)

          I’ve forgotten most of the stuff I put in there, but the few events that have always stuck with me are the Jonestown Massacre, Mickey Mouse’s ‘birthday’, and “The Day Of Two Noons” which was when the US officially started using time zones.

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      1. Smith+Fisk+Chambliss+Miller = 180.4 fWAR
        (with Infante + Sadecki) = 220.7 fWAR

        Sheffield+Ortiz+Moyer+Tom “Flash” Gordon = 191.1 fWAR
        (with Roy Sievers + Deacon McGuire) = 242.5 fWAR

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        1. I was going by B-ref … Oz + Pudge = 144.8. Chambliss + Miller 54.7. That’s 199.5. Infante + Sadecki 33.6 for 233.7 bWAR.
          Besides, I have Mario Mendoza of Mendoza line fame. 😛

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        2. I assumed you were using their version of WAR when your numbers were different than mine.

          I think their method of calculation, specifically as it relates to pitching…ignoring FIP and instead basing their initial figures on Runs Allowed and then trying to adjust for defense and park factors…is flawed and the Fangraphs version is therefore more accurate.

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        3. Oh, agree on difficulties in dWAR. That said, I like bREF better for other reasons, too. I think its stats are laid out better, plus, as a blogger, I like the fact that it posts blogs that link to players listed there!

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        4. I visit both sites on a fairly regular basis.

          And in the future, I’ll take the phrase “shut up nerds” to mean that you are tired of hearing about real baseball players and would instead prefer to hear me talk about my fantasy baseball team.

          I’m in a bit of a quandary there actually. We can only keep 10 players, and I’ve got waaaay more than 10 guys worthy of being kept. Decisions, decisions…

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        5. If I add up my guys using the B-Ref version of WAR, I get 252.6 instead of 242.5.

          Either way, I am the champion of all the world.

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      2. Funny, I prefer Fangraphs for position players mostly because their defensive metric is far less subjective than that used by B-Ref. And I kind of object to the fact that B-Ref continues to use known flawed stats such as OPS and ERA+ (rather than WRC+ and ERA-)…yeah, the better metrics are correlated with the flawed ones…but, you know, better is better.

        The biggest issue I have with the way WAR is calculated by both sites is that the defensive sample sizes in a particular year are far too small to say much useful, and the estimate are really not accurate. It would be far better for them to calculate defense using a 3-year running average and/or regressing heavily than just using the empirical metrics for a given year. That probably has cascading effects on trying to calculate WAR, but whatever.

        Every year I get farther and farther away from liking Fangraphs pitcher WAR exactly because it is FIP-based and FIP is just a quick and dirty model to get most of the way there on many (but not all) pitchers, but the approach makes assumptions that, again, we know are wrong. The fact that lefties as a group beat their FIP more than righties simply because of the ability to hold runners better is a good argument for adjusting it. Even many Fangraph writers are starting to use RA9-WAR more often because it gives some credit to guys that do regularly beat their FIP.

        One issue I have is giving pitchers NO CREDIT for results of balls in play (e.g. BABIP) but giving players FULL CREDIT for their results. Yes, we know that hitters have more to do with their BABIPs than pitcher do….but pitchers don’t have nothing to do with theirs and hitters don’t have everything to do with theirs…..meaning I take the resulting WAR-values and put some pretty big error bars on them.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yeah, it would be interesting to see a version of WAR based on SIERA.

          Actually, I’d also like to see Fangraphs separate out pitcher values so you can see the value of their pitching, defense, and hitting/base running. If they are going to show all contributions for hitters, they should separate them out for pitchers as well….because for many guys those things matter both for good (e.g. Greinke) and bad (e.g. Lackey).

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      3. It’s kind of amazing how many people still believe BABIP is strict expression of good or bad luck and nothing else. There’s a simple reason the best pitchers consistently post superior hit rates and it’s called weak contact.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yeah, when they start to incorporate batted ball profiles for hitters and pitchers….that will help….for many it won’t make much difference, but for some it’ll likely make a very big difference…if Tom Glavine had been a rookie in 2010, many would still be expecting his ERA to balloon to match his K and BB rates. Even using imperfect categories (e.g. GB, FB, LD, soft, med, hard contact) will help….though it would be better if they could effectively combine exit angle and velocity.

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    1. Whatevs…..Hank Aaron and Roberto Alomar are on my team.

      Top 4 = Aaron + Alomar + Peckinpaugh + Hoak = 275.5 bWAR or 260.6 fWAR

      Top 6 adds Worthington and Heath or flack (depending on site) = 306.0 bWAR or 286.8 fWAR

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  5. I only have three really notable guys who share my birthday. Old timer Hall of Famer Jim O’Rourke; bad ball slasher Rico Carty who won the 1970 NL batting title by 41 points with a .366 average; Garry “Three Quarters of the Earth is Covered by Water and the Last Quarter is Covered by Garry Maddox” Maddox. I also have Jose Constanza, who put Jason Heyward on the pine during Jason’s sophomore season of weak groundouts to second base.

    BUT, we all share the birthday of September 1st, which means more Major League players have probably made their professional debut on my birthday than any other date by a large margin.

    September 1st, 1964 was also the 25th anniversary of Hitler’s invasion of Poland, where my grandfather on my mother’s side was born.

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  6. Nobody born on my exact birth date, although I’m six days younger than Andrew McCutcheon and I share a birthday with Bryce Harper.

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  7. I didn’t get any tests for mental acuity, but over the holidays I ran into someone I hadn’t seen for a while and I got this: “When did you grow that turkey wattle under your chin?”

    Yeah, and Merry F’in XMas to you, too!

    None of us are old, really, unless they play your favorite music on your local “oldies” station. Oh, dear, that’s a big let down, scanning, finding a great song, and realizing you’re listening to KRTH. And it happened to me more than half my life ago…

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