♫♫ Whoooo Will Cleannnnse Your Colon!? ♫♫

Jewel maybe? You wish. Not sure how it came into my cranium, but the tune works nice with the revised lyrics don’t you think? I’m surprised how much I enjoy this jam after not hearing it in a decade or so and not being a big Jewel bro (those exist right?). And now I’ve admitted that fact on the internet…whoopsies.

Happy Friday everyone and please keep the Colon cleansed. It looks like the Mets may continue to keep their Colon. Let’s root that they do, but if not, we must begin an initiative to keep him in the bigs. Although, I’m sure someone will find his services valuable – or more precisely – invaluable.

“Slated to turn 43 next May, Colon said he’ll keep playing as long as teams still want him.”

Psst…hey teams, you want him.

115 thoughts on “♫♫ Whoooo Will Cleannnnse Your Colon!? ♫♫

  1. I have a hard and fast policy that I must like 3 songs on an album/cd before I will buy it (in an effort to make sure I don’t get stuck with something I hate overall). That Jewel album is the only one that bit me on the ass even with my policy…hard.

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      • Scout, I think a lot of Alanis’ success with Jagged Little Pill has to do with the producer, Glen Ballard. Also, she took a pilgrimage to India I think after the success blew up, got waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too mellow I think.

        I like the angry young woman kind of music of the 90s. Fond memories of high school, yes.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, Jagged Little Pill was/is excellent…..but I’ve never been able to get into anything she’s done since.

        It’s a simply equation really. Angry Alanis = Amazing.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Shes had a song or two since that were OK, but without a doubt a shell of herself. I think that may be one of the greatest one hit wonder albums of all time. Just about every song on that album hit the charts, and then….nothing. It’s friggen criminal.

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      • Yeah, there’s a huge drop from the quality of Jagged Little Pill to the quality of everything else.

        Reminds of me a random discussion/debate I got into with some buddies some years ago….which artist/band has the biggest drop from their best work to their worst? Who reached the highest peak of awesomeness and then fell to into the deepest vat of suck?

        If I remember right, we decided that it was a toss-up between Aerosmith and Stevie Wonder. Dream On and Sweet Emotion are maybe two of the best five rock songs ever, but that Cryin’/Crazy stretch in the late 90’s is some of the most miserable, whiniest, ear-gouging-out shit ever. Likewise with the excellence of Stevie’s Superstition and Sir Duke compared to the utter horridness of I Just Called To Say I Love You.

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      • Alanis never did it for me. I will never forgive her for abusing the word “ironic.” An entire generation has no idea what irony means thanks to her. Rain on your wedding day is not irony. It’s a bummer. I still hear the word abused and I blame her.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Did you buy the album? That song where she says “f—-t” over and over again — I know it was for effect but I could not make it through that. I did not have the stomach for it. Every good thing on that album was ruined by a worse song on it. This Way was a better album…much better. She badly needs someone (producer) to make her cut the angsty coffee house crap songs she thinks are deep. I gave Pieces of You to my BIL and he loved it. Musically, he and my sister mostly deserved each other.

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      • Not only did I buy the album, I’m pretty sure I have the disc in one of those giant cd books around here somewhere.

        Also, I don’t recall that song. Remember, these were the days before iTunes and shit. You pretty much had to buy the album if you liked a song or two and just skipped over the rest.

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    • I liked “Foolish Games”…until I realized that the album version was not the version that they played in the music video, nor was it the radio edit. It was a completely different version, a much lesser version.

      Still kinda peeved about it.

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  2. OK. I have no shame, and I’m telling you right now that this was my absolute jam when this came out. It’s also not as old as these other ones but UNF.

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        • Yeah, I’m pretty snobby — if they can’t sing better than me, I’m not wasting my time. I tend to go to shows that are more rock, blues or country because it either doesn’t matter (rock) or they can largely sing. I definitely don’t go see the big tours. I have a pretty low pop tolerance.

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        • There definitely aren’t enough blues clubs near me. As a matter of fact, there aren’t any. Dammit. When I lived in Denver, there were a couple of pretty good ones, but the nearest ones to me now are either in Orlando, or Jacksonville.

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      • Maybe I’m just old, but for the life of me, I still don’t fucking get the big deal behind Taylor Swift. Hate me if you must, but she’s fucking bland as shit. I’d dump with her ass too. Holy shit, music has gone to complete and utter shit if this is the biggest name in the business.

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      • The question “Is that Taylor Swift?” has become a bit of a running joke in my family since last Thanksgiving. My sister was trying to watch that stupid parade with her kids, while her husband and I asked that question every time some random teenybopper(s) started signing on some absurdly overdesigned float. You could make police-style lineup of the “biggest” handful of pop singers today and I wouldn’t be able to put a name to the face of any of them.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Tori. Oh my god, dude. Stop playing with my emotions.

      “a sorta fairytale” is so beautiful. And “silent all these years”. For reasons.

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      • Load had some good and some bad.
        Reload had more bad than good.
        St. Anger was unmitigated horseshit.
        That “Whiskey In The Jar” cover was solid.

        But Death Magnetic is truly excellent, a return to those 8 minute audio assaults from the good old days. I like it better than And Justice For All. Get it in your ears.

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      • Load and Reload were just OK. Garage Inc. I don’t really count since it was all covers, but it was good. But damn, …And Justice for All, Ride the Lightning, Master of Puppets. Those were some defining albums. They changed music, basically put Metal on the map. A local radio station used to play Mandatory Metallica, two hours of non-stop Metallica every Friday, and it was the highest rated two hours they had. XM Radio did it for a month and the station beyond kicked ass. They are probably the greatest band of all time to completely fall off a cliff. Their shit was so powerful, so iconic, it changed the face of music, and then, holy what the fuck happened?

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      • I think every radio station had Mandatory Metallica back in the day.

        But that might have been part of what changed. Almost nothing on Master, Lightning, or Justice was “radio-friendly” in terms of running time, everything ran 6+ minutes. Made it harder to squeeze in commercials and other station breaks.

        I’m just hypothesizing, but I reckon they wanted more radio airtime so they could make more money. So you get Black and the Load/Reload era, music that more easily fits into the 4-minute window to get allow for heavy rotation….instead of just a 2-hour block once a week.

        Anyway, I think that’s what happened. Whether there’s any truth to it, who knows. But if you check out Death Magnetic, you’ll see they didn’t forget how to shred….they just chose a different path for a while.

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      • On a Metallica-tangent….you ever listen to any Dethklok?

        They are a fictional band, in that they really just exist in the show Metalocalypse, which is just a big pile of awesome insanity. The main creator/writer of that show also writes all the music for it, so if you hear 10-15 seconds of a song in the show, he and some other guys will sit down and write a full song based around that tiny section.

        It’s taken on an odd life of its own, as the “band” has gone on tour a few times….I saw them once….and released three full-length CDs as well. A lot of nordic themes and general absurdity. Such as this one — “I Tamper With The Evidence At Odin’s Murder Site”.

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