Biggest Assholes In Baseball

There are a lot of great players in baseball.  A lot of well meaning, interesting and exciting players.  Players who give their money and time to charity.  Who keep their mouths shut and inspire children and adults alike.  This article is not about them.  This is about the villains.  The heels.  The assholes.  For what fun is baseball without someone to boo and hiss?  If the WWE was a bunch of nice guys, it would be a bunch of oiled up muscled men giving each other hugs and high fives.  So who are the biggest assholes in baseball and what did they do to deserve the title?

Jonathan Papelbon

Jonathan PapelbonOh Jonathan Papelbon what would I do for website clicks without you?  You’ve become out site’s unofficial mascot, so of course I had to list you first on this list.  It’s hard to know where to start with him.  He’s quickly become one of the most famous clubhouse cancers in baseball.  His rep as a general asshole has followed him from Boston to Philadelphia, and now to Washington.  It’s still up in the air if he’ll be searching for a new clubhouse to release his toxic fumes into next year.  Papelblow’s resume for being an asshole include the following incidents: Grabbing his crotch in a lewd gesture towards the fans when booed in Philadelphia.  He of course lied about it and stated he was “making an adjustment“.  This incident set off an argument with fellow asshole Joe West.

Another time Papelbon decided to go after a team bat-boy.  I mean it takes a real asshole to go after a kid and put the blame for a bad season on him.

Then at the end of a particularly painful season in 2015, Papelbon decided to blatantly, and intentionally throw at Manny Machado.  Manny’s offense?  Hitting a game winning two run home run two innings prior.  Papelbon received a 3 game suspension and was called out by fellow teammate Bryce Harper as tired.  Machado called Pap a coward.

It would seem the public call-out for being an asshole did not sit well with Papelbon, as he decided to take his anger out on Harper just a few days later.  First Paps started screaming at Harper on the field for not running out a routine popup, then he decided to escalate things by attempting to suffocate Harper in full view of the entire stadium.  Nationals fans immediately started taking up a collection to convince the Nationals to release Papelbon.

 

Torii Hunter

PI-MLB-Twins-Torii-Hunter-mad-061015.vresize.1200.675.high.14Torii Hunter is that guy you are forced to work with, but really just count down the days until he goes away and never comes back.  He’s one of those guys you have to tolerate because he can play this game, but damn is this guy a giant asshole.  He’s the type who would refuse to tip the waitress because he’s Torii fucking Hunter and Torii fucking Hunter don’t tip bitches.

Torii’s been an outspoken homophobe.  He’s claimed that homosexuality is “not right” and he would not want to be in the same clubhouse as a gay man.  When he was asked about his beliefs by a reporter later, he decided to call that reporter a prick multiple times.  For you know, doing his job and asking questions about a topic that Torii brought up in the first place.

Let’s not forget the time Torii called darker-skinned Latin American players as “imposters.”   Of course, he later claimed he was taken out of context, refused to apologize, and that he’s not a racist, hate filled asshole, because he has lots of Latin American friends.

And to top it all off, Torrii most recently decided to throw a temper tantrum on a boarder-line check swing call, stripping down on the field, because that’s what mature, responsible.  Oh wait.  That’s what assholes do.

 

David Ortiz

Boston, MA - 05/30/14 (4th inning) Boston Red Sox designated hitter David Ortiz (34) is restrained by umpire Jeff Kellogg (8) as both benches cleared in the fourth inning. The Boston Red Sox host the Tampa Bay Rays in Game 1 of a three game series at Fenway Park. - (Barry Chin/Globe Staff), Section: Sports, Reporter: Peter Abraham, Topic: 31Red Sox-Rays, LOID: 7.3.3309107321.

One of my personal favorites, David Ortiz.  David Ortiz is very popular in Boston.  He’s one of those guys who gets away with a lot because he’s a no doubt hall-of-famer.  He’s also a no doubt asshole.  David is famous for his insistence that he knows the strike zone better than anyone, and if you dare call a strike on a pitch he thinks is a ball, well he’s going to have a fucking fit.  David also knows scoring games better than anyone, and has no problem calling out the official score keepers for taking away his hard earned stats.

Let’s not forget about the time David destroyed a bullpen phone.  Because of a strike call.

Or the time he received a suspension for contacting an umpire because of a check swing call.

And let’s not forget that David is sick and tired of people bringing up that failed drug test ins 2003.  I mean, why can’t everyone just forget about his cheating allegations and move on already to worshiping him?  Don’t you know this is the guy who once got praise for saying fuck on tv?

 

Joe West

joewest21Joe West is all that is wrong with umpiring in baseball.  When he first came up, he was actually promising and once decent umpire.  Then 1999 hit and West and 21 other umpires resigned en mass.  MLB was more than happy to accept.  Unfortunately for all of us he was rehired after a settlement process.  Ever since then, West’s ego has only gotten bigger and bigger.  He’s determined to prove that the fans are there to see him show everyone how he’s always right, and how DARE you question his calls.  Don’t forget he has the power, and he can and will eject you any chance he gets.  Joe’s philosophy is that there is no situation that cannot be escalated, no pissing contest that cannot be won.  Lists have been made.

A quick search among MLB.com and Youtube for Joe West + Ejections provide multiple pages of videos.  Linked are some of his highlights because to list them all would probably break the interwebs.

There’s A. J. PierzynskiJohnathan Papelbon (This one earned West a suspension.)  Joba ChamberlinJoe Maddon.  And most recently, Madison Bumgarner.

While many of these guys are all major league assholes, Joe West, has decided that he wants to be king asshole, and never misses an opportunity to prove he’s earned the crown.  Remember, and umpire’s job is to be the center of attention, and to remind everyone who’s boss.

 

Alex Rodriguez

Alex RodriguezAlex Rodriguez has managed to keep himself clean this year (Finally learning to shut the hell up), and a lot of the A-Rod hate has started to die down, but man what a year 2014 was for Alex.  Alex once used steroids.  Then lied about them.  Then came clean when he got caught.  That was back in 2009.  Fast forward, and it’s a case of shame on me, because Alex cheated once again. This one earned him a lengthy suspension and a very long, drawn out court battle.  When not out using steroids, and trying to cover it up, he’s running around bases yelling “Ha, I got it!”  or attempting to slap the ball out of a player’s glove.  And of course there’s this wonderful photo shoot.  And last but not least, we sadly cannot drink enough to burn away the memory of baseball’s most infamous painting.

 

Ryan Braun

Ryan BraunCompared to the above people on this list, this one time MVP really needs to step up his game if he want’s to remain one of baseball’s biggest assholes.  I mean all this guy did was use steroids, get caught, made false claims the tester was an anti-semite, win an appeal, then get caught a second time at which point had to finally admit he was a lying cheater.  Braun used to have some talent and ability, but when the doping stopped, so did his performance.  MLB only tolerates assholes who can hit Ryan.  You have to either learn to hit better or be less of an asshole.  Oh, who am I kidding?

 

 

A.J. Pierzynski

aj-pierzynski-540x370Pierzynski has won the unofficial most hated player in baseball award several years in a row.  The story is always the same.  Everyone on his team hates Pierzynski, he goes to a new team where reports are he’s not such a bad guy, and on his way out the door rumors persist of what an assshole he is.  The thing is, as far as we know, A.J. hasn’t done anything particularly egregious.  He just doesn’t get along with the other guys in the clubhouse.  Any clubhouse.  He simply manages to rub people the wrong way.  In terms of assholes, he’s probably one of the weakest on the list.

 

Bryce Harper

Bryce HarperI’m not entirely convinced Bryce Harper is an asshole.  It may be a combination of a person with immense, and incredible ability at a very young age, combined a large amount of jealousy.  Sure he doesn’t run out every pop fly.  Sure he taunted that one guy who was being a jerk in the minors that one time.  Yes he gets ejected too much for a player of his caliber.  And yes he did trademark that clown question comment from a stupid reporter question.  Also his hair is fucking stupid.  But is he really an asshole or did he just have some growing up to do like the most of us when we are 19 years old?  He’s also one of the few brave enough to stand up and call the bullshit unwritten rules, well bullshit.  He’s also, defended quite often by the people who actually know him.  So is Bryce really an asshole?  Or are other players who have a dislike for him the real assholes?

 

Honorable Mention

There are many more assholes in baseball.  Some have only minor infractions.  Some other players simply don’t like.  Some have attitudes or are proven liars.  But none of these guys have been big enough assholes to make the list.  They have some work to do to really step their game up.

Melkey Cabrera, C.C. Sebathia, Matt Kemp, Brandon Phillips, Yordano Ventura, Yasiel Puieg, Matt Williams, Josh Hamilton

44 thoughts on “Biggest Assholes In Baseball

  1. Braun used to have some talent and ability, but when the doping stopped, so did his performance

    It did? He’s slashing .285/.356/.498/.854 with 25 HRs and 24 SBs this year. There’s exactly one other player with 20+ HRs and 20+ SBs this year.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, it’s unprecedented to see a player’s stats drop when he A) gets older and B) deals with injuries, including nerve damage in his thumb which will have an obvious impact on a player’s ability to hit for power.

        His performance clearly hasn’t “stopped”.

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      • B-Ref, OPS+ last four years 2012, age 28, 158; 2013, age 29, 136; 2014, age 30, 113; 2015, age 31, 130. So, the dropoff started before the age of 30. Part of it may be due to the thumb, but how much? And, the thumb was 3 years ago.

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      • The thumb injury may have bothered him for years, but he just had that cryogenic-surgery-thing this past offseason….along with at least one “touch up” treatment this season….and considering how his 2015 numbers bounced back up from his 2014 numbers, there certainly seems to have been some positive results from it.

        As for how much of the dropoff came from that nerve issue…it seems like quite a bit. I mean, being able to hold a bat is kinda important to the process of hitting a baseball.

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  2. What about guys that are not necessarily assholes, per se, but are just so damned overwhelmingly annoying as to make you want to punch a kitten. Yes, I’m looking at you Nick Swisher.

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  3. Braun also threw his supposed friend and business partner under the bus, too. Some guy who isn’t too important here in Cheeselandia, just the QB for the Packers.

    That sealed his fate as an ahole for life.

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    • I’m not saying he’s not an asshole.

      I’m objecting to the notion that is so very often put forward by the “durrr, roids is bad” crowd that Braun was only ever a product of whatever chemicals he took.

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      • To be clear, and maybe I wasn’t in the article, I am not saying Braun was a product of the drugs. It was more a point that people tend to tolerate more if you perform and when that performance starts to go, so does that allowance. The timing of his performance falling off and his getting busted using steroids combined to help aid in people’s view of him as an asshole. I’ve never been one who thinks there is a direct link between drugs and performance, because it hasn’t been proven, but I do suspect that taking these drugs tends to break down a person’s body faster and can aid in them having injury concerns later in life.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Well, the way you’ve phrased it….

        Braun used to have some talent and ability, but when the doping stopped, so did his performance

        …very much makes it appear as though you are saying the chemicals were the cause of his performance, like the talent and ability you think no longer exists must have come from a needle. Which is silly, because he’s still performing at a very high level offensively.

        As for whether or not such things cause injury concerns later in life, who knows. It’s not as though people who “play clean” are immune from injury concerns later in life either. I don’t see it as much of a factor in this conversation anyway.

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  4. I’d put Jim Aboott on this list. All that “Don’t let you disability hold you back” nonsense he spews.

    /Finger poke to the eyes/

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  5. Okay, everybody, hold your breaths: Milton Bradley.

    Incidentally, has anyone noticed how Ryan Braun is looking more and more like Marty Feldman these days? Walk this way, Ryan….

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bradley is in a different class, beyond being an asshole. We could do a list of players who committed crimes against humanity, like Chad Curtis (pedophile, sex offender), Josh Lueke (rape), Matt Bush (DUI with serious bodily injury), Chad Curtis (sex offender), Julio Machado (murder), Kirby Puckett (spousal abuse), Francisco Rodriguez (assault) and so on.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ugh, when the Brewers brought back KRod, I was so unhappy. Plus he got busted for DUI in MKE a few years back, which does not endear me to him at all.

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  6. Sorry, scout, but I have to add Manny Machado to the honorable mention. I like the kid, he’s on my fantasy team, and I was definitely on his side in the recent Papelbon incident. However, the evidence: the incident when he was suspended for helicoptering that bat down the third base line, and that backswing on Norris’ head when he didn’t even bother to check on the guy. Not cool. He’s young, so he may just have to mature, but even my 3 year old shows more empathy when he hurts someone unintentionally.

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